Elucidating Questions

Some customers were discussing

As they do amongst each other

How we’re in for a warm winter

All of us!

They stated gladly.

You know they were talking in the tone of approval.

Approval of a warm winter

In Canada mind you

When the ice caps are melting and it’s falling around our shoulders and they said this gladly like

And who were they kidding

It’ll be warm and wet.

But let me tell you

No mindfulness of where we live and our cold winter

Bless me I live on the west coast but

Having a cold winter should be a sign of a healthy revolution of the planet safely around the sun

Where we are anyways

So far this year the trees seem to have forgotten the important part of this time of year is dropping what is most important and taking a long nap

At this point there’s no hope for us really

Maybe if God or Jimmy or some other omnipotent someone

Spoke to all of us here in the places causing the problem

I wonder how many would need to see consequences to not change everything

Maybe that’s why there’s no God

Maybe that’s why The Watcher doesn’t say words

Maybe I’m too blunt

Saying Jesus has no time for you and me

But it’s probably true

Unless you’re trapped under a bus or something

But also Jesus seems pretty ineffectual

Less like a miracle and more like a friend who sits with you through it all

Not like a saviour

More like a guy trying way too hard

They never seem to mean what everyone hears

Thousands of years of telephone

Humans really are no good at this

Maybe I’m too harsh

Or really not harsh enough

I just don’t think

They have time for us

I still find myself thinking of you

Like when the subject is you

It’s you

Ah what a stubborn heart

How it still looks at you and beats I will never know

But I come alive when I think of you

Like my body forgives me for a moment

If only I could only look at you again

Just see you and know your every move for a moment

We would never dare ask more

But we want it with both our souls

It’s something new so my mind grabs hold and

Thinks and thinks and thinks

And

What if it all goes terribly terribly wrong?

And how do we make sure not to make the same mistakes

Don’t get attached

Be attached

And it flies on forward like

What could go wrong though?

Think about that for a while

I said I was good with change but what I meant was

Change is agonising up until the moment I realise all the agonising was in fact for no reason whatsoever

Oh if only I had a mind like everyone most everyone some people

That didn’t worry and chew and stew

I wish for a mind like that

Wouldn’t it be weird if one day we all hear this booming voice say

Hey everybody I’m

Let’s call them Jimmy

And it turns out there was a… God/dess

But they became disappointed with us

And we’d been collecting dust on a shelf or something

And they lost it in a bet to Jimmy who was super keen to try to set things right on Earth

So they set about teaching how to help the poor and how to fix the way we live and how to love one another

They would mandate acceptance and discipline isms and ists

Wouldn’t it feel just a tiny bit invasive?

Just a wee bit like now no one had a free will at all

Sometimes I wonder why the god/s/dess/es do not speak

And then I think of how it would feel if they did

Perhaps our only hope is the watcher

Whoever stands voiceless beside and doesn’t move a muscle and does move the threads but doesn’t weave their own story

Dread if I could hear them

I have this feeling like I want to say something

But I don’t know what it is

Something life changing?

Am I frustrated with someone?

What do I want to say?

I feel like if I say it nothing will happen

Maybe I just want to say I’m lonely again

Maybe I just want to feel reassured

Try not to feel like a failure at 30

Needing to be reassured

Like a child

Will parts of me always be a child?

Like I’m stuck simultaneously between adulthood and a wide eyed brand new human.

What if what I want to say doesn’t have words?

Like how I’m feeling right now

Very half…sideways… overwhelmed…

Or something similar if there is a word for that.

And I want someone to notice and

I feel so awful asking for help

But help…

Maybe I have so many things to say they’re getting stuck in the bottleneck of my voice

Which doesn’t come out because there’s so much

Too much

To say