Elucidating Questions

This is the problem with Communism

It’s a problem it shares with every other fucking ideology

I’ve angered a communist by saying communism may not be the best thing

Now I’m a bot apparently (and tbh that hurts somewhere in my soul I’m not gonna lie)

And that’s the problem

Why are we still chasing ideologies that were proposed over a hundred years ago?

Surely we, people who live a hundred years on with all this extra technology and all the extra things about living with that technology

Can come up with something that benefits everyone in a way that doesn’t give any one group power

Why is there no balance?

We need to discuss these things through the lense of 2020s Earth not 1800s Earth

Surely there are people in our time who spend all their time searching through stuff like this

How various systems of governance worked or didn’t, what studies say what is needed for humanity.

Don’t slap a name on it and call it the perfect plan either because humanity, for all it stays the same, is always changing

And when people suggest changes

We need to be able to hear them without devolving into petty arguments and stupid shit

Treating our handling of how society works like it’s going to flip a switch and automatically start doing a communism is also incredibly naïve

Who’s going to pay for the welfare of the impoverished and the disabled while you’re viveing the revolution?

Do you care?

If not why should I listen to how you think society is going to work better?

You’ve already forgotten me from the equation

And hundreds of millions like me

How will we move society from one way of being to another?

There are things omitted from the past that you cannot forget if you want to build a future

We have to leave no one behind or people will suffer

Communism was written about from a white perspective

I refuse to accept any writing from a white person as perfect

I doubly refuse to accept any writing from an academic man as perfect

There needs to be a discussion on it from multiple walks of life

There needs to be some inclusion of how we handle people in welfare situations

Just coming in and flipping a switch is not how it works

Especially not the switch of an 1800s white man

I do not go without as much as I used to

Haven’t gone hungry in a while

And it’s nice

And it’s awful

Because I know where I was

Hungry constantly

Bored out of my skull from sitting at home doing nothing

Rent going unpaid

I’m still paying off a rent bank loan from when I lived by myself

And I’m not going to forget that is how society wanted me

Me and millions of others like me

Billions of others worldwide

I’ll never forget that I poured my blood sweat and tears into the customer service industry only for it to turn its back on me when I got sick

I thought Walmart firing me for getting fibromyalgia was the worst thing

They didn’t see us walking out the door of our almost 3 year job in tears because they’d changed the job to something I couldn’t do and asked me to choose

Do you want a job that triggers your heart condition?

Or no job?

Heh

It’s questions like that that make me realise how fucking strong I’ve become even though I’m still sensitive as hell

Tell me, do you want to work your shift with a 140 bpm heart rate? Or do you want to slip further into poverty?

Old Navy should catch fire along with that warehouse that went down a few weeks back

All you had to do was accomodate me

All you had to do was treat me like a human being who is worthy of employment

16 years of customer service

Now I can’t work

Every shift I didn’t walk out of when they wouldn’t let me go home

Every time I didn’t even ask because I didn’t want to cause trouble or harm the team

Every time I didn’t call in

Every time I did but then went in anyway for any amount of time

Every time a 4 hour shift became 8

Every time an 8 hour shift became 12

Every time I went home and slept for days afterwards unable to do anything

The hours I put in

The smiles I faked for terrible people

Called a bitch for not bringing coffee fast enough

Called an idiot for not reading minds

Every sexually forward dick

Every “honey”, “sweetie”, “ma’am”

It meant nothing

That sits with me

That lives in me even after I declare I’ve come to terms with being unemployable

Things are not bad

But they’re not good and I am so uncomfortably aware how many people think I should be working anyways

How I’m supposed to be making $1333 a month

Estimates say that should be 3333

I will never forget that no one cares about that

No matter how comfortable I get I will always know what was acceptable for me, by the will of the people

By the government

By corporations with more personhood than I have

I will die before I let up on letting people know what they are causing for impoverished people on this planet.

Hell would welcome Angels sooner than I will forget what this world has done.

If hell existed. Sometimes I wish it would.

But I would rather wish for a paradise where we all understand as well as the gods what we did upon the Earth

And then see how those of us with the darkest of deeds felt existing among those with clean souls

I want to go back to Wales

But not the capitalised one

Not the one where racism runs rampant

Not the one where I’d be ostracised for being me

I want to go back to Wales before it had a name

When it was wild

I want to live in a tiny little house and just exist and know how to live there by myself

Surrounded by nature

I used to always ask why there were characters in stories that just lived alone in the middle of no where

Did they see society and reject it?

Did they know if they were around people they’d let their guard down and get hurt?

Did they know it’s not worth it trying to find someone to connect with because other people will always ruin it?

Did they recognise the true sin of humanity?

That we have this ability to learn damn near anything and we instead use it to enrich only ourselves?

Knowledge isn’t a sin if you use it generously

But damn if humanity hasn’t tried really hard to prove there is no generosity in knowledge

We just consume

I’m often struck by my consumption

Thinking about how I should be putting back into the world as much as if not more than I take from her

But there is no way to absorb your own destructive nature in this world

Not while corporations use up millions of people’s worth of usage of this Earth

I wonder what the numbers are

They say she can’t support some billion people

How many billions of invisible, non-existent humans, do corporations add to the stress of this world?

How many people are living taking up tens of humans more of consumption?

Can she truly not?

Wouldn’t she let us know?

She lets every other creature know

Endlessly forgiving in not just

The Winds laugh

Such a subtle forgiving

Maybe we are in her image

We just seem to be in the image of everything

Even black holes

The Wind brought me the scent of flowers last night

I accepted them as if they were real and thanked them for their sharing

I wonder how many people the Wind brings flowers to who never even notice they were there?

The Ocean

Maybe the scent of a memory they had once

They walk through these lands without greeting the Sun, the Moon, the Stars

Our family of celestial bodies

They don’t talk to the rain

Except to bemoan its falling

Do they notice when birds sing?

Is everything just furniture to place and then forget it exists?

I know I don’t belong in these places I was born

But there is no place to go back to that hasn’t been touched by their blindness

Or their greed

I am corrupted by them

Because one on one I always err on the side of trust

It bothers me, wondering what thing I’ve missed

Every time we look through history bemoaning the cruelty of the past we ignore the eyes upon us from an unseen future

What other biases and wrong thinkings have been instilled on me by this sick society?

I wish I knew

I’d unlearn them too

I want to escape and be self sufficient and independent and free

But my heart screams for community and working together

For companionship

Whatever that is left of me that’s human I guess

I wish I had a logical reason why

Because if you look at the things humanity has done, will do, is doing

Why would you want anything to do with our species?

If good people made up the majority we wouldn’t be here

Did the good people die out?

Is decency an on off receptor in our DNA?

Is it recessive?

Does it get groomed out of children by our toxic society?

Are we evil?

I don’t know

I wish I could go back to a time when humanity took care of the Earth

And eachother

But I can’t

Because we didn’t

I’m so tired of being “better”

I want to tell these people I hope they choke on air

I want to tell them I hope they suffer worse than anyone they’ve ever invalidated or hurt

I want these people who sanctioned the deaths of thousands of people to go through every moment of despair they put anyone else through

I am tired of Justice and fairness and humanity

I want to be like them and let them know if they died I’d be dancing on their graves

I’m so sick of meeting them with humanity

I want to tell them they are just as much nothing people as anyone else

Not special

Not the main character

Just no one and nothing like everyone else

Propped up by Circumstance

I want to tell ableist people I hope they become more disabled than they could imagine and suffer every bit of ableism they excused or caused

I want to tell people who stalk trans people online that I hope they sink into a depression so bad they take their own lives so I can laugh at them

But it doesn’t help, does it?

The anger, the hate

The want to equalize with violence and suffering

It serves nothing and no one

Even if they are the ones who created the hate in me

I shouldn’t give them that much power

To create within me

But when the anger fizzles away

When I reclaim my insides and banish the fury to the darkest corners

Sadness is left

And disappointment

This world is so much worse than anything I could have imagined

Every day I learn, against my will, of some new depravity humanity cooked up

Throughout history and modern day

So much so that even with all my disgust I cannot be surprised by the awful things people do

How do I not come to hate them?

Knowing what these people I’m allegedly related to do

It only makes me feel less human

I don’t see myself in them

I don’t see myself in the behaviour or emotions of these creatures

I feel foreign

Alien

To these beings

Why are so many of them evil?

I wish I could rectify

This feeling of being an other

Why am I a watcher?

Why am I observing these strange people?

I wish this place was more simple

I wish that anger would fix the problem

How I wish he’d gotten in and taken a shot right through that fat ogre’s skull

Won’t someone take the poison from me

I may not quake the Earth

But I feel the tremors

As long as you don’t give up

That’s what matters

You fall down as many times as you do

Getting back up only proves you have something in you worth fighting for

And growth?

As long as it comes it doesn’t matter how much you have to fight for it

Because you keep fighting for it

Each low feels like a new low

But it’s only because you reached far enough out of the hole to fall back in

Sometimes this world doesn’t feel worth fighting for

Not because she isn’t, but because they aren’t

Beautiful bead in the ocean of night

Illuminated by a single flame

If we simplified it may be easier to see reason

But it’s all irrelevant

Every day you wake up is one more day you didn’t give up

Even if you spent it in bed

You still faced the darkness and said, No, one more day

Thank you for taking the easiest course of action

Which is inaction in this case

It’s a lot harder to die than they think it is

It’s also a lot easier

Living in the face of suicide is one of the only fights that requires you to do nothing

I’ll tell you now how hard that nothing is

Sometimes it feels as empty as the act itself

But it also takes a certain kind of strength to keep on going in spite of it

A strength some people will never know

They think we’re weak, but I guarantee if they switch brains with any of us they wouldn’t last a day

If your act of resistance is simply not dying, I see you

If your act of resistance is being a problem to those who want to destroy this planet, I see you

No matter how many times you have to face down the Nothing and claw your way back again

Getting up just proves you have a strength no one will ever truly comprehend

Why does everything have to be the “best” it can be?

Best being subjective and we have a serious problem with thinking because we’re “living in modern times” that our way is the “best” way

Like some things you want to be the best it can be

Medical care, nutrition, water rights, what have you

But what if those “bests” are attained through moderation?

When you seek to be the best at something

It’s not long before your desperation will allow you to do unspeakable things to attain that “bestness”

Why can’t we settle for middling things

Acceptable houses, acceptable buildings

Things that stand and do their jobs

They can be beautiful but why are we creating completely inaccessible buildings just so architects can aim for “best” (which apparently means your building has to look nothing like a building half the time)

Why does beauty have to be a competition?

Why can’t things just be beautiful?

Everything for that “best” position

It’s the competition aspect of this world that really puts me off of it

What’s wrong with adequate?

Sure we could regrow a limb and sew it back on

What ethics are you willing to throw out the window to learn how?

Sometimes humanity’s constant quest for greater, better, stronger, more powerful

Feels like it will be both its undoing and its legacy

Couldn’t accept good enough

Consuming everything for the sake of it

Beautiful, but much less, clothing

Why do we need thousands of clothing companies?

Billions of options which change every season?

Who cares if you’re wearing the same clothes as someone else?

Why can’t that be seen as having similar interests?

Why do you need 70 outfits?

Who cares if you wear the same outfit twice?

Why can’t you have a week’s worth of clothing and just curate your look?

Seven days of clothing is already seven times more outfits than most anime characters have

Why do you need more?

Anime characters deserve more clothing

Free the laundry

Anyways

It just seems like if things are working, why do they need to be “better”

If you have enough why do you need more?

People tell me to settle for less all the time

They tell me to live with what I have and be happy with it

I don’t want to bring people down to my level

I want to equalize us out so we’re all getting enough and finding joy in moments and places and activities again

Without being simultaneously terrified of whatever boogeyman of capitalism is haunting us that week

Humanity is so off balance it’s about to topple over and I’m not ready for what comes next

The more I live the more souls are sacrificed to the gods of war

In this ballooning quest for greatness, and being the best

There is no light in the sky signifying the return of any children of the gods to help us defeat ourselves

Though the Wind and Ocean swirl and churn

Will their efforts help anything?

Sometimes I hear the rage that is in the Wind

I saw the Ocean’s rage when I crossed her the other day

I may only know my own but she was dark, and she was holding fury beyond measure

I wonder

Was Gaia aiming for greatness when she sprang Life from her loins?

Was Saturn aiming for the best when he captured the first rock in his collection?

Was The Great Red Spot Jupiter’s claim to perfection?

Did Pluto strive for the biggest heart in the solar system?

I do not believe that “greatness” is manufactured

I believe it is attained when we as humanity work together to make our lives better

When we nourish the abundance on this planet and nurture the life around us to its most contented, most cared for

You can not be the best by having more, using more, taking more

Nor by claiming to be the best without the health and prosperity of the planet to back you up

Humanity will never be the best until it stops treating this planet and the things living on it as commodities to be amassed

Stops treating others as part of the competition

Stops acting like there’s a pinnacle of consumption to reach

And stops demanding greatness from things that don’t need to have it