Elucidating Questions

I wonder what it would be like to be with someone who loves me

Someone who I love who loves me

I’ve seen what fake love looks like

What is real love?

I wonder if I get to know it too

Someday maybe

Just maybe

I wish I could see a sunset next to my true love

But what love is true?

So many fakes and frauds

So many users and abusers

So many

And I am tired of losing

Better to avoid the battle of relationship

Just cruise through unseen

Maybe it’s better I’m invisible

I’m already so tired

I wish he’d taken a chance on me

But I should have known better

And now we don’t know each other no matter how I wish we did

I just want to know him

Just a little bit like

Just a hello every once in a while

Just a how are you

So I could know at least that little bit about him

Because I don’t know anything about him

But I do love him

Undeniably I am at his service on this Earth

Ready and waiting

Mostly waiting

I wouldn’t care if my life were no different and I just knew him

I do not expect anything to change at all

But what could I possibly offer a musical genius

I wonder if he’d take my voice

Like some twisted little mermaid where the prince is both the prince and the sea witch

And I have no father just me being a dumbass

I wish I had something to offer him

I’d show up at his door with it in my arms

I wouldn’t though because I don’t know or care to know where he lives

I don’t want to invite myself into anyone’s life

I just wish I could know him

Just for a second

No at least a minute

It’s all I want

Imagine I was one of those violent crazy people in love with a celebrity

I’d probably get a lot more attention

I’m completely ineffectual

Maybe it’s better this way

I don’t want him to be in any real danger

I’d rather not be a danger to anyone

Including myself

Imagine I had some sense of entitlement towards him

And followed him to every concert demanding his attention

So many ways I could be far worse for him than I am

I wonder if he feels relieved that I’m incapable of doing anything

I wonder if he knows I exist

It would be nice to have fans but not crazy fans, well

I mean if they’re my kind of crazy they’re probably just helpless sad people like me

I wouldn’t mind having some crazy fans that are harmlessly crazy like I am

Harmless and dedicated

I used to believe he was ignoring me

Now it’s easier to believe I am invisible because if he is ignoring me

Then I won’t know what to think of him

Wish I could know what is happening in his head

Imagine I was one of those crazy fans that shows up every where and didn’t just write harmless poems lost in the internet

Imagine I believed that him and I had any chance together, that would be a laugh

Just ineffectual me

Waiting for someone to notice me

Unrequited and all that it means

Not even in the running it seems

How after all could I be in line

When I’m entirely invisible all the time

I wonder what it feels like to be seen by him

See him seeing you

I wish I could know just for a moment

I suppose the world would be too perfect if it had worked out

Too good

My world is mediocre and his is extraordinary

I just wish I could taste it for a moment

Just see his perfection eye to eye for a moment

Just for a moment

My number one goal was to get you to notice me

And we see how well that went

I just want to be visible

Be seen

Stop being just some person you don’t know

I want to be something to you

Anything

But trying for so long has left me disheartened, disenchanted, and disengaged

I’m sure there’s some way to get to you

But I already try, try, tried

With nothing to show

So sick of having nothing to show

Goal number one

Failed miserably

Failed spectacularly

Failed

There’s no other goal for me to try for this was my last try

Just wish it meant something

Just wish you’d read it

Just wish I was worthy of your precious time

I want to say something to you

Something

Something that will elicit a response

Just trying to get the magic words

What can get to you

Get to you in a way that will inspire a reply

But I look through all my words

And I’m certain none will fall right

Just more words said into the silence

I don’t know what I did to deserve this

Don’t know if I can take responsibility for something I did when I was sick and can’t remember

Just wish I knew the right words to say to get something back

It seems so pointless to spill all these words for no reason

Just wish I had the magic words

Just wish we could meet so I could show you

How much I care