Elucidating Questions

I wish we could talk

You and me

And then I could learn some things

Just…

Give me five minutes to look at you and see

Everything you do

Every mannerism

Every word

Every breath

I just want to stop hearing about you

Oh my god did you know that Josh-

Stop

Be in an interaction with you

Something real

Say hello and hear a reply

I just want to talk to you

I wonder what you are?

Just an angry blip in my head?

My psychosis isn’t me, but what are you?

Can’t remember what I say or do

But when I’m fine it’s like I imagined it

When my mind is at ease it’s like it was a figment

Are you another side of me? A slice of me? A piece?

Are you a broken fragment? Or are you a whole other being happening in there?

Of course there’s no answer

There’s only an answer if I’m sick

Are you just another sickness?

Another symptom of my brain being unable to handle the universe?

If only my brain could handle the universe

At least I’m not delusional

I guess

Just trying to identify the unidentifiable

There was these team sense before

And now I seem like the sole occupant

I wonder if anyone loves you or if you’ve turned the world against you while simultaneously turning the world against me

I hope you don’t come back, but your lack of presence is duly noted

Mystery thing

It would be nice to see him

But I don’t know if I’m allowed

Too many unanswered questions

And impossible possibilities

But to see his face

Face to face

To see him

I wish I could afford to meet him

Actually say hello and hear a reply

It would be so nice to hear his real voice in my ears

Imagine sound traveling straight from his mouth to my ears

If only I could afford to hear him

I wonder if I could even afford to see him

It would be so nice to be good enough to see him

I wonder what it would be like

I wish I could see him

Even if I have to miss him all ov

Tonight I’m mad because you’re irresistible

Because I’m still caught in your orbit

Because no matter how hard I tried I would never be enough

I just hope you’re happy doing what you’re doing

Writing the same song six ways

I hope it’s fulfilling

I want to know how you’re doing again

I wish I could just ask you and get an answer

I wonder if it would be the truth

In my dreams we talk like good old friends

In real life no one word has been exchanged

Would I even know you if I knew you?

Or just one of the many faces you show to the world to get by?

I wish I could know your soul

Just hold it for a while and keep it safe from real life

But it will never be my job to do that

I just wish I could know you

I have to wonder how I ended up how I did

I’d like to think I’m better

He probably wouldn’t help the homeless

They say that thing about the apple

Not falling far from the tree

I fell so far away from the tree

But really there are two trees

Maybe I just fell farther to the other side

And that’s a good thing, I’ve come to learn

The good part of growing up

I live in similar solitary ways

But I don’t try to destruct things

Don’t try to poison things

I don’t do much of anything because the world terrifies me

But I digress

I, perhaps, somehow broke the chain

I am broken in many ways

But I don’t try to break people to fit my image

I just love people who fit my image

I just want to put people back together

Greed makes me so sad

It doesn’t make sense to me

If I had unlimited funds I would only live the same way I do now

Maybe I’d buy books and video games

But I wouldn’t buy all of them and then sell them back at twice the price

I only want as much as I need to be content

Why does anyone need more?

If we all only took what we needed

Even if we took just a little bit more than we needed

But taking everything just doesn’t make sense

Why would you not leave some for someone else?

Don’t you think that’s how we came together?

Why we started living in groups with complex relationships

I wish that greed was treated like a crime

Something one could be punished for

No we don’t care if you take a second helping,

Don’t take all of it

I wonder if there is something broken in the heads of those that have?

Did something go wrong with the wiring?

Why take all of it?

You can’t possibly use it

Just stop being so greedy.