Elucidating Questions

The mysteries of the uncertainty of starting something entirely new.

So many possibilities but only one conclusion

Take a moment to wonder if I’m making a mistep

Maybe I’m just feet away from tripping?

I wonder if I’m just stepping from one frying pan into another

Knowing that I’ll never be able to be complacent with my exploitation

Wouldn’t it be nice to just find a place to go?

I just want to work and be happy.

It’s a mystery to me why that has to be so hard.

It’s so funny

Nice people always look at you funny when you say thank you

Like I didn’t already go through several interactions that weren’t so kind

They act like they’re just doing the right thing and that shouldn’t be applauded

But I think kind people are to each their own shining star

Bright amongst black holes and the vast darkness of space

They aren’t so commonly found as one might think

They may be so bright that they light even the darkest places, but they are so rare and the space between them is vast

They should each be treated with kindness in turn

I hope their light comes back to them

Dear god

Dear Jimmy

Dear whoever is listening

Please let me have this job

I can’t move shelves any more

I can’t take hearing a shoe size before a hello

I can’t take ladders

And boxes

And nit picky old ladies

Please may I have something better?

I’d like something better

Maybe something just a bit better

I wonder if it works?

Asking the something for something

Dear something

I really think you want to give me this job

I guess we’ll find out

Gods, I hate waiting.

I really do know the reasons the sadness is there

But if I think of them I’ll fall in

Yes I do have to pretend ignorance of things

Not when it’s important, not when I need to see clearly

Just for those inbetween moments when I have to live with myself

We all have to do that, live with ourselves

For some people it’s easy, but I don’t think they understand anything

For others, usually the kind, loving, feeling, sort, it’s not so much

I had to put my sadness in a place

I know that it’s inside me, but I imagine it outside

Something I can choose to interact with

Rather than face it head on

I cannot face it head on

One of the sadnesses is that I cannot love myself

There is a child inside me that wants to know why

I have so many answers for an adult

But none for a child

I must not look at it

Must not see inside

Not into the depths of the sadness

I must not see inside

Oh what do I do

Sitting here in my high place telling people how I got here

But it’s gibberish to others

Just think differently I say

And they all tell me they can’t

Is my brain different?

I wonder if I’m some kind of new mutation

Just change your world view I say

Because I did

Is it just me? Am I the only one that can do this?

I’m not saying I’m 100%

There is after all the great sadness I must not touch

I still slip into it sometimes.

It just feels like everyone is letting themselves be a slave to their brain

Which I guess doesn’t make sense because we are all slaves to our brain

I guess it’s the difference between me seeing my brain act out

And me saying oh brain and going on with my day

And them dwelling on it and not letting it go

Just let it go

Brains do stupid things sometimes

Should I even be counseling from my place in my castle of glass?

With the big sadness hanging by

I could touch it, but I won’t.

There’s neon signs saying not to.