Elucidating Questions

Do you ever look at space and want to scream?

Like one of those deep field pictures that Webb puts out

Just see how many galaxies there are

And scream loud enough for them all to hear

I’m here

We’re doomed

I’m not good enough to be saved from this hell

But I was here

And I thought every song was about me once

And I don’t have a soulmate here

Do you have soulmates?

I don’t know I just want to scream

Tell them everything

Maybe so they can see how wrong society can go

I did say please just follow me once

Older songs still hit the same

I wonder if our lives are too different now?

違う人生

似てない人生

多分

I wonder what it’s like to live a life of excess?

I’ve wondered if in my past life I was a terrible person, a rich person who wished for less but was too stupid to give it away, or some combination of the two.

I wonder what it’s like to be loved?

These things I haven’t experienced

Do I even have the capacity to love another person anymore?

どうかな

Do you feel music?

Do you feel music?

That great something that makes me neurodivergent

That I cannot understand

I feel music in my soul

I used to feel all your music in my soul

I wonder what changed?

I’ve had this long held silent fear

That this reality is just something I made

That I’m laying somewhere catatonic and this is what my own mind made

I guess it lies somewhere in my disbelief that this is the world

What happened to all the Me’s in history?

I can’t be something new I’m not special I’m a replication of history

Right?

Maybe they were just as sick and ineffectual as I am

It’s like I landed on the wrong planet

Beautiful as she is

Brilliant as the Sun is

And I love them

But this

This concrete hell

It can’t be real right?

Where are you and how are you doing?

Something just tells me to stay here with what you left

Following my gut is something I don’t do lightly

Nope I, in fact, crash right into the garden

Every fucking time dude

I wish I could know you so I could know

Without ever asking

Mostly, are you okay?

Safe

You crazy little renegade

Crazy knows crazy okay?

Well this is me sending you some good times

Sometime

I hope

You’ve got me articulating in Japanese again damn you

I can’t tell if you’re just fucking around because the words don’t mean anything anymore

Or if you’re just continuing your

ふざけるままな人生

You know?

You don’t because you don’t speak Japanese or read this

Haha

Imagine if you said hi to me

No it’s just another bait

Actually from you this time instead of from my own freaking head, but still

You may still be special

But I’ve held out hope of you saying hello to me for so long

Still I did exactly what you said to do I’m the fool

Who are you?

I feel very left out

Everyone is sharing Barbie memes and quotes and I can’t relate

Because I had to ask my mum for money again this week

If I had the luxury of going to the movies

But I took myself to see the movies once or twice and I felt so alone in the theatre

So I guess I’ll just wait a while and break the law

But it’s a type of privilege

To be involved in pop culture

Pop culture is not free

Now I’m sure there’s going to be some human who reads this and announces

Well I don’t care about pop culture

And that’s great for you, really, but not me

I feel left behind

I have been struggling for so long and every indication that I am falling behind feels like a flashing neon sign

You’re too broken for this world

Too sick

Too neurodivergent

I never found my own people

And now I can’t even depressingly go to movies alone

If I had known this future awaited me I would have ended it right then

But now somehow I’m still here

And I can’t even participate.