Elucidating Questions

I gave up hope

Of ever finding my people

On this planet it seems everyone has their flock but me

So far from where I wanted to be now

If only someone was out there for me

But holding out hope

Just meant every day was filled with heartbreak

Waiting for nothing

How nothing scares me

It’s better to be alone and aware it’s just how it is

Than be alone searching

My mum uses the hug emoji to dismiss me

Oh you’re having a hard time?

Well I’m done talking about it 🤗

Like that emoji feels like

Shut the fuck up

To me

Can’t afford my heart medication?

🤗

Feeling depressed?

🤗

End of the conversation

I wish I could be someone’s first priority

Or even second to themselves

I wish someone could help me

Can’t afford to make my heart work properly but at least I have an emoji

I saw this meme that said

Your pain is just as valid as anyone else’s

But I know that can’t be true

If my pain was valid then it would be taken seriously

And no one takes it seriously

Maybe that’s not true

But it isn’t valid enough to the people that matter

If it truly was valid wouldn’t I be able to live without so many daily things getting in the way?

No I think no one’s pain is valid to this world

Maybe to individuals

Maybe

Some and definitely not all

I wish this was a place that validated pain

It’s spam at this point

Same old

Ah well I don’t live off his face anymore

Raison d’être

I’m liking the idea of continuing out of spite

It’s not like the Canadian government wants me to keep living 🤷

Yup there’s an emoji

I’d like to see something other than trying to get money

Both from myself and everyone else

What a tired place to be

I don’t mean to repeat myself it’s just the only thing on my mind

And apparently everyone else’s

Let’s just scrap it.

Do something else instead

I’m not an expert I don’t know what the something else is

I’m just certain this tired dance is awful for everyone except, say, a couple thousand people

Out of billions

How did anyone think our planet had a passing grade for poverty?

Yikes

There’s nothing quite like the sound of

You’re not broken your body just hates you and we can’t help you

To make a 7 hour stint in Emergency just

Hit all the buttons of hell in a bottle for me

I’m so used to hearing it at this point that I just go along with it

What else can I do?

I miss a simple world where my body didn’t break down like an old vehicle

I only got to enjoy this body for a decade before it completely betrayed me

I read of Queen Anne

And her many medical problems

Must be nice to have all the money but none of the medical advances of today to help

A squeeze of time rather than money

If I had the ability to take care of myself

Would life be so painful?

If I could have one wish?

I’d selfishly make this world better for me

But it would benefit millions

I wonder what it would be like to live comfortably?

One more sunset

Would they be as brilliant?

I seem to have lost the ability to learn song lyrics

Selectively

Though how my mind selects I will never know

Maybe I will know someday

Maybe they don’t have the same feeling?

Weren’t sung with the same emotion?

Curious, my mind

Someone should probably study it

While I’m alive, not after, they don’t know enough about brains yet to know them dead

Anyways I’m off to the hospital

Apparently I can only put it off for so long