Elucidating Questions

Snuck up on me for once

No one will know what that means

That’s fine

Yeah came in quiet and I wasn’t expecting you to suddenly show up

I wish this was something I could communicate to someone else

Ah well

Could do without the other guy

That’s okay

I think it’s probably unique to me

This is the only one I don’t know from the first note

I wish you luck catching me off guard again music spirit

I admit I’m impressed

Am I aiming unabashedly for the same goal as always?

Perhaps without reason

Perhaps without belief

It’s not as if I gave up

Somehow, someway, still doing the same thing as before

Engaging

Our esoteric rapport

One sided as it is

Unknown if the unknowns are truly unknown

Is it a truth or a desperation?

Still clinging to the dream of one day meeting?

That everything would be okay?

Without this unlikely dream, I have nothing

Without it

Is it dead?

Are we giving a eulogy?

I don’t know

Hush me why don’t you

There’s nothing happening to show it’s alive

Still I strive

I mean the definition of crazy is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome

Or is that just the laws of the universe?

I’ll never know

Either I’m crazy or I’m a magnificent outcome of the universe

In its God Damned Image

It’s just so hard to tell when something ends

I’ll keep hitting this brick wall I’m sure it will break eventually

I want to wake up with enough energy to clean my house

So sick of living like this

Living with not enough

Not enough to do anything other than exist

I’m so exhausted all the time

It’s like I’m living half dead

And all around me people don’t understand

They think I’m making excuses

I simultaneously wish everyone had this disease and no one

Like Hitler deserved this

Maybe I was Hitler

I would deserve it if I was

But I don’t think the millions of people with this disease were all Hitler

Right?

But if people who got this deserved it then all the rich bastards would get it

I don’t know

Sometimes it’s easier to pretend I deserve this

Because if I don’t then why is it happening?

Why is my life like this if I don’t deserve this?

I don’t know where to go in this world without any answers

It seems pointless to but I search for a reason every day

Why my body has betrayed me so com

I haven’t seen a touching sunset in some time

Though today’s lack of sunset touched me in a way

Prepared to go on strike until the sun comes back

Dark at 6:30

Preposterous

I miss watching you languish and orange in the evenings

Winter sunsets are short

Boom darkness

Kind of like the sun is in a rush

Or is it the Earth?

Trying to figure out why the sun moves North as we tilt back

That it’s dark is not in question

I miss sunsets

Immediately like they were here mere weeks ago

But the long hard crawl to Spring

Lady Winter had better keep me entertained

I’m not certain what I’m striking,

But I’m going on strike until the sun comes back

あちこち一人独り

独りだと思ってて

でも

皆集めったら

独りなのかな？

I hear it from others

The familiar sound of being alone in this world

Here and there

Alone

But if we came together would we be?

Would we be alone?

I wonder if I would find someone familiar in a crowd of alone people

I feel alone

Among 8 billion (ugh) people

Who all seem to have someone

Isolation aside

I wish I could collect all the alone people together

See if we could find somebody

独りだっと思てるよ

寂しいがりやしか生き残るのかな？

It’s because I looked up at the sun leaking through the clouds

And said, My darling

And all at once the light burst through and I was bathed in it

And then I remembered that sunlight reaches us in a few minutes

Which begs the question why it’s always so perfectly timed

The peculiar things that occur in my life

Actually happened through someone the other day

Someone got to view the world being perfectly aligned just for a moment

Yup, welcome to my world

Just for a moment

And then it’s normal again and you go

Huh

Did that happen?

Never in the way I think I need

Well except my moments with the sun when I’m getting sunlight

I may be part plant

It makes me wonder if other lives are like this

Does everyone get moments where it seems like the very fabric of something is speaking to them?

I don’t know what to call it

Spirit?

Energy of the universe?

Thinking it was gods was sick me

I don’t know if the moments preceded or followed the crazy

Or maybe I’m just crazy and the universe keeps enforcing it for fun

That does sound like something the universe would do to me

Goodness

At least I’m crazy and harmless

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