Poetry
This is the general category of fuckery that goes on and on and doesn’t seem interested in stopping.
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It’s because I looked up at the sun leaking through the clouds
And said, My darling
And all at once the light burst through and I was bathed in it
And then I remembered that sunlight reaches us in a few minutes
Which begs the question why it’s always so perfectly timed
The peculiar things that occur in my life
Actually happened through someone the other day
Someone got to view the world being perfectly aligned just for a moment
Yup, welcome to my world
Just for a moment
And then it’s normal again and you go
Huh
Did that happen?
Never in the way I think I need
Well except my moments with the sun when I’m getting sunlight
I may be part plant
It makes me wonder if other lives are like this
Does everyone get moments where it seems like the very fabric of something is speaking to them?
I don’t know what to call it
Spirit?
Energy of the universe?
Thinking it was gods was sick me
I don’t know if the moments preceded or followed the crazy
Or maybe I’m just crazy and the universe keeps enforcing it for fun
That does sound like something the universe would do to me
Goodness
At least I’m crazy and harmless
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What’s your all-time favorite album?
Astoria
It’s about me
Or at least I thought it was
Until it was
And then it was chillingly accurate for weeks
And then I kept going
Josh Ramsay is a genius
His music deserves far better recognition
He wrote Call Me Maybe but no one knows that
Astoria is my song, End of an Era is my song,
It’s all a part of me now
Words, cords, wailing guitars that I know better than myself
This whole project was supposed to be for him
Silence was return to sender
I remember
But i
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I have a question for the masses that I’ll never ask
Do they feel the sun?
Like I do?
Like, yes, heat, and light
But do they feel the pressure of the light?
Do they feel it?
Something irreplaceable
Something I miss when he’s not here
Like being gently touched
Do they feel music like I do?
Like my soul is an instrument?
I spent so much time younger feeling like people didn’t do things like I did,
But found that wasn’t true
But still in some ways I am much different than your average human
I am aware of it always
But if people don’t feel the sun like it do
If they don’t feel music
Well that’s unfortunate
I wouldn’t reproduce because my genetics are riddled with disease,
But I wish I could share this with someone
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What would your life be like without music?
Dead
My greatest fear is becoming deaf and not being able to hear music anymore
Music is my inspiration it’s my life blood
Without it I wouldn’t have somewhere to hide in other people’s emotions
I don’t enjoy reading poetry like I enjoy writing it
I don’t even know if I enjoy writing it
My soul is music
If you could only feel the fire
My spirit lights with the sound
I’m not certain a life without music would be worth living
It’s kept me alive more than once
Music lets me know I’m safe
It’s so integral to who I am I cannot imagine a world without it
Music is the one thing humans got right.
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There’s this overarching theme to Christianity,
That people are treated how they deserve to be treated
I internalised this so incredibly that when people treated me badly I tried to change to improve
Because they wouldn’t treat me badly if I didn’t deserve it, right?
Do unto others as you would have done unto you
Blah blah blah
It has a point, to a point
It has a point until thousands of people are gathering to protest my existence
And my spam folder is full of people messaging me directly to tell me I’m deranged, or mentally ill, or a groomer, or whatever else they came up with today
I kept trying to right myself
Because me must be wrong if people have a problem with me
But the reality is just that the myth of there being more good people than bad is untrue
Even if I could somehow save humanity, I probably wouldn’t do it
We seem unfit to inherit this Earth
We seem unfit to travel the stars
And I don’t think anyone will mourn us when we’re gone
And I don’t think we deserve to be mourned anyways
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There’s no instrument sound quite like the scream of a guitar
Though your voice may be the nearest second
I can get lost in a guitar but when it screams I am brought to life
Sound must be energy I’ve learnt to absorb
Or something
I experience music
I listen to music like everyone else
But I feel it
How to explain a sensation unknown
In the same way I feel bass
Whomever spelt bass like that is a problem
It grabs my attention, the cries of a guitar
But I live the rest of the song as well
I feel every fibre with every fibre of me
I hope I can find some new things to live to