Poetry
This is the general category of fuckery that goes on and on and doesn’t seem interested in stopping.
-
You know I know I’m a terrible person,
Right universe?
You don’t have to have the masses hammer it into me
They just say the terrible things I already said about myself out loud
Sometimes I think the only thing that could make up for this life is a good, quiet, death
But usually I think I deserve to have something terrible happen to me
I never know whether my constant worry that someone is going to harm me
Is actual worry
Or my awareness that I deserve it
If this were a Hell like the Hell in Lucifer
I wonder what I’d have to do to learn any better?
Am I actually some kind of clay?
Do you have to pulverise me?
It would be nice to have some kind of map
So I didn’t have to hate myself so much
No comments on -
I’m walking this thin line between wanting to be alive and wanting to just die
This tightrope that no one sees
And they push me
And all my emotions are too fucking big for me
And I just want to go somewhere where I’m not constantly being pushed towards choosing my own death over whatever this sad excuse for a life is
Why is every human reaction to me confrontational?
Why is it when I say things people think I’m talking for everyone when I’m only talking for myself?
It’s just me
Well and me but I’m not talking for him I’m talking for me and when he comes out he’ll talk for himself but he’s usually angry
So goodluck
We’re both just broken people living for ourselves
We don’t expect everyone to agree with us but the animosity with which people disagree
The horde when you accidentally activate it
When all at once every damned buzz from the box we all worship
Is just the terrible things people say on the internet
Accusations about your every fibre
As if one sentence on in a box in the box
Reveals every piece of a human being
I often regret speaking
But if I didn’t I wouldn’t interact with other humans at all that day
So do I say things and just experience the downs that come with saying anything?
Or do I sit here alone everyday
Wishing to know what it feels like to fit in in this world
-
Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.
My first day in Japan
Hopped off the flight, 16 hours later,
Ready to take on Japan with my knowledge of Japanese
Get to Tokyo station,
Immediately I was a small town human in the biggest city I have ever been in
Realised, I had not prepared myself for not having a cell phone in Japan
Beg some ladies at a coffee shop to use their phone
Broken ass Japanese because I’d apparently forgotten almost 10 years of study
Call the support at my school like
How the fuck do I get there?
With less profanity and a lot of humility
Overwhelmed by newness
Overwhelmed by all the sounds being Japanese
Buy an ice coffee as apology for using their phone
It has no sugar because you’re supposed to add that yourself and I didn’t know yet
I have little memory of getting from the coffee shop to the Shinkansen
But I must have because I got to Morioka
Slept on the train because even in all my overwhelmed anxiety I could feel I was somewhere safe
The Sun was setting over Tokyo as I arrived and night had fallen by the time I left
I got to Morioka and the support lady picked me up
I remember being so confused by everything
The route
I know that place so well now
It was so late when I arrived but we went to the convenience store because I hadn’t eaten in hours
Handling myself at the till without any trouble now that I’d had a few hours to calm down
I remember thinking
I did it
I got to Japan
And that was the beginning of so much
It was so worth it
-
I wonder if it is real,
This thing I feel
I wonder what real feels like?
He walks in at the most poignant moments
And he doesn’t even know
That my attention is pulled
Immediately to him
In his existence
With the most correct thing to say
At the moment
Or that time I put Astoria on because I saw a murder of crows
Only to come upon another at the exact moment the words happened
The most peculiar things
And when it started I thought they were signs
Now I just think the celestial DJ has a sense of humour
But I really feel it
This pull
Like I should just walk up to his front door and knock
I don’t know where his front door is
I’m a long’er not a stalker
Just thinking wouldn’t it be nice to see his face today?
Neverending longing
I wanted to see you
Face to face
Someday
-
Hey mister owl,
Mister owl how are you?
I don’t know the story,
I guess no one really does
Still you’re a contentious thought
If I live by love I wish you’re doing well
As a human with trauma I wonder if that’s wrong to do
Do sinners still deserve love?
If so, why do we shut them away in hell?
I don’t know the story
And you are a real human being
And real human beings crave love
Regardless of sins
I suppose I just wish you well
There is love here if you need it
Okay?
-
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
Oh I miss the stage so
The improv during drama class,
The talent shows singing my heart out
The open mic karaoke for a little while
The rush when applause is for you
I miss the audience
I miss singing in Japanese and people asking me if I knew what I was saying (haha)
Oh hello
Ignore ignore
Nothing really just missing that feeling
Of being the centre of attention just for a moment
Captivating tens
It’s just a far away dream now
Something mister music does now
Does he even enjoy it I wonder
What I wouldn’t give to trade places with some rich celebrity and be able to afford the care I’d need to accomplish anything like being the centre of attention again
My voice, like all of me, is all mine
All to myself
Just like that.
Elucidating Questions 