Elucidating Questions

If the question was who do you love

I’d have answered it hundreds of times by now

So that can’t be the question

And I don’t even know your name

Thing that keeps invading my head

Like suddenly all the lyrics take on a different meaning

And Only you can hear me

A strange formula for madness

I see people overwhelmed

Instead I talk to it

What even are you?

Some dormant ability out of wack?

And if you are a what, who are you?

Sorry, nameless thing

Nemo I guess

It feels sometimes like there are so many signals out there

Urging something

Urging me to do something

No, dear reader, it is not the classic “the voices told me to kill them” oft abused excuse for brutal murder

It’s like I should take some power that I’m missing and do something about the state of the world

And then I feel frustrated because I’m not a fucking magical girl and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do

Wouldn’t it be lovely to have an English speaking companion that could help me figure it out

Someone who wouldn’t dismiss it entirely for madness

I feel like Sailor Venus without Artemis

Like something bigger than me is compelling me to do something, but there’s no guidance

Something

And all this twisted love

That one time I was like well then I must be Jesus

That was madness

But it was caused by this feeling

I just want to be able to love all of them

Maybe I’m Aphrodite but my look has gone out of style

Because I low key want to smite people when they piss me off

Non-binary Aphrodite

I just want to make this thing proud of me so I can get on with my life

Sometimes I feel god-chosen

But in the Greek way where shit just goes wrong constantly because of it

Thing?

何となく、頑張る

It’s my motto

Constantly in the position to not achieve anything

It’s hard to know what to do ever

Also if you’re trying to get me to love myself I don’t think that will be possible

Life is so weird.

They say “I have to laugh or else I’ll cry”

Cry then

Because laughing isn’t working

And police officers are emptying entire magazines and a half into their own cruisers over a fucking acorn

We have to stop laughing at dangerous people

It’s only funny because you weren’t in the vehicle being shot at

That poor dude, like someone just tried to kill him over an acorn

Madness, giving people guns and then teaching them to fear their own shadow

Can you imagine if some god had not been watching over that poor guy?

Apollo was not on their side

Not saying fatalities are god decided, just that the occasional miracle is

Gods can’t be watching at all times, I assume they have stuff to do

Shit goes sideways when they aren’t watching

Bless whomever was

Bless that poor guy

Have I ever mentioned ACAB?

Because ACAB

Because what the actual fuck is “reasonable force” against an acorn?

God why did I want to go out

Humans piss me off

Grubby hands all over my walker when I’m immunocompromised

This dude who thinks the entire seat belongs to him

I really hate sitting next to men on buses

He grabbed my leg earlier

Fucking dick

Humans pissing me off all day

I wish they’d just poof

Bye

Leave the world to me

I don’t need anyone I’ve proven that already

Hours alone

Then it’s torture to be with them

I sometimes wish I could understand them, but then I’d have to be like them

And I don’t want that

People who think that accessible seating on the bus is reserved for them even though I’m disabled and they are a stroller

So sick of them

Like sick

There’s this handful of pure, sweet, humans and then the rest are garbage

Like the average human

Is garbage

I try to be one of the sweet ones but I’m

Bitter

Like living a life like this doesn’t constitute bitterness

People act like if you’re bitter you’re the wrong one

Not the things that put the bitter taste there

Not the things they made it bitter

This constant passing of responsibility to the people that bad things happen to

Another reason that humans are garbage

I’m so disappointed in humanity

I didn’t know walkers were communal objects until I got one and now everyone keeps fucking touching it

Ugh

Humans

Said I missed the snow

Now it’s snowing

Universe what are you doing?

Trying to show me why I shouldn’t want it to be snowing?

lol

You terror

You know the drill, just don’t get me stuck somewhere

I appreciate the early present

It’s my birthday in just over a week

A late birthday present for my mum whose birthday is today

Let’s go commemorate it with getting holes put in my face

It’s not even cold

I proclaim now that it’s snow temperature

And the wind mysteriously doesn’t bother me anymore

I wish I knew why the cold never bothered me anyway

I wish things were answerable

Mysterious weather

I believe in you all twenty-four hours a day

I’m looking towards you

The snow is nice

Me, getting what I want

It feels like there’s a storm coming

My fingers hurt

The wind is agitated

This could just be another morning where I’m tricked and the Sun comes out

But there is a tenseness in the air

There are no birds singing

None in the sky

A far off seagull’s cry

Often the bird that rides the early winds of a storm

The clouds have a wrippled texture

The only thing is they aren’t moving

And yet

I heard before I saw the wind pick up

As the gusts blew through other things towards me

It is growing as we speak

Someone has let their in heat cat outside

I have been hearing her for days

Human beings shouldn’t be allowed to own other animals

We’re no good at caring for ourselves let alone another creature

Stormy Valentine’s

Well it’s not like I’ve ever had a Valentine so maybe this weather is on point

I was hoping for better for my mum’s birthday

But I probably should have known better

Cold from the wind chill

I miss the snow