Elucidating Questions

You let me hang around

But you pointedly ignore me

It’s not like you’re big famous

There are only so many comments on your stuff

Thank god you’re not big famous or I’d actually have to hate you

I often see you interact with other things

Oh I’ve wondered just how invisible I could be

But I don’t think I am

I think your poker face is your face being behind a screen

Yet I can’t even get you to read one

My entire dream

My whole purpose

Was to get you to notice me

And I shake my head and laugh because it’s always this way

But this time I decided,

Since literally no one else in my entire life notices me

I’d go after the big one,

Why not?

Sigh

Sometimes I wonder why I hang around

7 straight years of being pointedly ignored

You’d think I’d get the point by now

But when I try to move on and away

I find myself wondering

If you’re okay

Like it’s my right to worry about a complete stranger

Who wants nothing to do with me

Like all the other humans out there

Really, if anything, you’re not special

You’re just the same as everyone else in my life ignoring me

I have a Facebook where I frequently post about how lonely I am, how sad I am, how much I struggle

Radio silence except my mum care reacting

It’s kind of like that

I say something to you and other people like it

And that really doesn’t achieve anything

I mean it was never meant to be for likes except yours

Like from the beginning, please just follow me

Show me I’m here

I suppose I’m creating today because you’re creating

Suppose my recent need to create is because you’re working away

That’s how it was last time anyways

I’m just sane now

Mostly

Partially

Sane enough to put on a neat little mask to hide the insanity behind it

And, truly, for some unknown reason, I care greatly about your well being so I have to pretend or how will I maintain the ability to check your Instagram every week?

お互いのfugue

Or something

Be well, blue star

Be well or I’ll have to come fight people for you

It’s always just a bit funny when Your Affection comes on on a cloudy day

Imagining Souji by the river

I’d love to visit that world again

Cursed games costing money

And, before you say ☠️

Yeah but I actually want to give them money for this

I just need to actually have it

This strange status

Where I’m both fat and starving

And not poor but poor

Not as poor as the poorest person

Except making 50k a year is my pipedream

This strange life

Somehow existing while it’s like I’m watching through glass

This strange Earth

I mean life is like this

So excuse me if my hopes for the afterlife aren’t high

Desperately wanting to be reunited with people

Maybe I’m already in limbo

I feel like a ghost

Nothing I say quite hits

So many threads and not one of them attached

But I can’t give up

I have to take these wings

Even if I’m only a well of sadness

Broken and battered

They surely don’t fly

Never could I be an angel

I spread them towards the sky anyways

Maybe one day I’ll soar

Like all those main characters do

Said no and Spotify said “How about this one?”

As if I could say no twice

This world I exist in

The music is wrong this morning

Just not fitting the mood

But I don’t mind this

Means somethings and not other

Speaking of war

I’d put watermelons everywhere if I thought it would help

Speaking about it here seems pointless

And I don’t want to generate likes I want to generate the end of a genocide

True love and a cease fire please

If there were a time for a god to do something it’s genocide

Not that they have previously

Grey today

I don’t know how to feel

Anything other than horror is willful ignorance

But humans need willful ignorance because I would be a wreck if all I thought about was the end of thirty thousand people

But, my god!

I do wonder what those flowers were weeping for

So many thoughts to think about

Too many

I wish I could actually do something

In the mornings I sit here and wonder

Do people not check online for a store’s hours?

Countless beings go to the doors and retreat

Or they turned up during holiday hours and thought that was normal

Which is just bizarre

Either way, to me

To have enough energy to go somewhere, find it’s closed, and come back later

Must be nice to have a car

And have no worries about the exhaust you’re dumping into the atmosphere for no reason

Maybe the entirely empty parking lot wasn’t a clue

Daymares

Those are fun

People scare and confuse me

Oh, let’s see if this is a contestant

People driving around in circles

At the mall on a holiday

Expecting the service of others at 9:30am on a holiday

At a store that doesn’t usually open until 10

At their leisure, of course

I wish things just closed on holidays

And we just got paid for the day

I wish a lot of things

It’ll probably be Saturday like

Wish me luck

Let’s talk about outrage

People on the internet talk like it’s a joke to be outraged

But there are some things we should be outraged over

Police officers unloading entire clips over an acorn is one

The growing poverty globally is another

The fact that we have put every living thing on this planet on far less borrowed time because of industry left greatly unchecked

There being the existence of billionaires

Work conditions and the way full time workers get mere hours to themselves a week

If they get an hour at all

If you asked me I’d say there isn’t enough outrage

I have enough for everyone

I can share

I don’t know what all there would have to be for people to actually wake up

“Woke” is a joke. Awareness of racism and anti-rascism doesn’t mean you’re awake

There’s so much more going on here

Racism is only a symptom of the main problems

White and western supremacy being a main problem

If we didn’t think we were so damn great maybe we’d take a look at ourselves

Thinking we’re doing it right instead of thinking of ourselves as an ever improving project

Or getting worse project as it stands

Ah, well

There’s little I can do but speak into the void