Elucidating Questions

I just wonder what the whole lot of nothing is?

Money?

Over people?

Maybe humanity’s greatest failure isn’t the making of money into something worth more than people

But the inability to recognise how sick it all is and change

Is it the doing of the thing

Or the children who continue doing the thing who are worse

I wonder

Cloud strike out the Sun but for a moment then another

It’s all so beautiful

What are they doing?

Come on!

We let monsters lead us

Am I worse in my inability to do anything about it than the ones making it impossible for me in the first place?

Speak up, for Gods’ sake will you?

All of you

Pitiful tin soldiers meant to be bards

Well you you yous too

But I am tired of waiting for gods to stop humanity

If you could

Just do it

I’m sure you would

Yeah?

These celebrities

What are we celebrating again?

Dead people?

Dying people?

It just goes on and on and on

Do something if you’re all so worthy of your dollars

Fuck

Why did we give all this money to useless do nothing people?

And worthless destroy everything other people

Hey there someone

I’m dreaming tonight

Do you want to be my speed of light?

As bright as the Sun

We’ll make a sound

I see, I sing,

I look around

Round

My only light

My wishing well

I made so many notes

But I never tell

Cloudless sky raining down

Stray drops hitting me as they fall to the ground

I can’t follow your maze anymore

Someone take my hand

Someone who can love

This fish on the sand

Goodnight sweet Sol

Into the dark

Are you really awake here?

How I wonder what you are

I have to ask but I know I’ll get no answer

Are you complicit in this genocide?

Oh it’s been bothering me since the beginning but as it just gets worse

As the world watches on

Goading on the colonizer

We are reaching a time where I can’t support anyone who doesn’t support the colonized

It’s been bothering me

And you don’t take a stance on anything

Over the years

Not a peep about BLM or women’s right to choose or how terrible Trump was

What do you stand for?

What do you stand for?

Nothing on trans rights

A whole lot of

Keeping up the appearance of nothing

And really there is no point in asking because I’m already on the DNR list

As in reply not resuscitate

And as if you’d even make the effort to make it obvious

Start suddenly wearing watermelons all the time

Your silence isn’t going to defend you this time

Your waiting is just another child dead

Whose death you condoned

Do they sleep while I am awake?

Do they live a nightmare while I sleep

Dreaming of something easier than this?

My heart cannot take this

All this wasted life

Does anyone remember a time I wasn’t feeling overly responsible for the entire planet?

I don’t

Seriously if somebody wanted to give me super human healing powers and the ability to convince people to just listen for a minute I’d do it

This planet deserves better than us

And I can’t stay in this position of enabling excess and silence about important things

I already have enough not enough

Yet there are billions out there worse off than me

How does one excuse being rich on a planet like this?

How much longer am I going to wait for you to take a stand on something?

The bus drives by with STONEHENGE emblazoned across it

No doubt some poor excuse for an exhibit

Put on by the enemy

Sorry I mean the Royal BC museum

Synonyms really

But at once I was on that hill again

The wind sweeping over it and the rolling hills all around

The sky was clouded over

Much as it is while I’m writing this

But our grey

This was more

Brown?

The clouds were dirty looking

Like mud already in the sky

Those stones stood

Wondering

Wondering

Coming to know we will never know

We do not think like they did

The world like it is

Will I ever stand in that spot again

Do my ancestors lead me there

That dream I had

The panic I brought back with me

Sitting up in the middle of the night with my pendant

Willing away whatever it was

Man

Time is wild

I could swear I was just there

Just exhausted by the day’s bus ride

And it was only a stop

Stonehenge

I wish I could sit among you and hear stories of peoples long gone

My father

I noticed he never spoke about his childhood right around when we were in England and he was showing us places he’d been as a young adult

His sister always seemed good, caring, kind

I know his father was a Baptist minister

Perhaps that should have told me

Maybe when I think about going back in time and sheltering myself from him

Maybe I should think of going back to his childhood and sheltering him from whatever spat him out

Part of me is afraid of him even as a child

He left me with so much shit to unlearn and rethink

So much hurt to nurse back to health

When my mum said on Easter something was wrong

As I sat in the garage waiting the news

I hoped he’d died

But it was my sister

Rather him dying would be the best bad news perhaps

Or something

I don’t think I’ll be free of him if he passes away

And it’s not that I want him dead

Though I’d probably trade him for my sister if I could

I just want to be finally free of all this shit

How am I supposed to know what to do with money when my parent during my teens was always poor

Yet always spending money?

He definitely helped teach me joy is in the dollar

I try to get through things just hoping

That’s not what he taught me to do

He taught me not to trust the universe

Not to trust my spirit guides

I think he was wrong

I think we all are

The Universe is love

And they are like a weary mother watching their children suffering yet unable to fix it

There’s a mutuality in it

I must set one foot ahead of the other

They provide the path

I can make mistakes?

I hadn’t even considered that an option

Look father

I can make mistakes and the universe is still here and willing to have me

A momentary thank you to all the mothers in my Universe

Universe included

That tit has a stick

Thank you for letting me have what I needed

Why does it feel like you’re writing my life?

Should I call you author?

He only wants to taunt you

I only want to hold you close and whisper hope into your ears

How do you know what to write when your pen is guiding the fate of another?

I remember so vividly the courtroom

Where in your world it was a joke but in mine it was real

But a new beginning

I could use that

I wish I could burn brighter than the Sun for you

Something new

I was specific and the Universe offered

And I get that feeling like I can navigate anything

I know when I’ve over played my hand

And this Universe

That I’m feeling a tentative trust for

何と無く

And so on and so forth

Right?

My little charm

My little prayer

Somehow

Somehow I’ll get out of here