Poetry
This is the general category of fuckery that goes on and on and doesn’t seem interested in stopping.
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Curse these imperfections
Curse this want to be happy
Spent myself into a situation
Why?
I’m terrified of tomorrow
Not sure what I’m supposed to do now
And the rain seems to be falling down
I don’t know if you’re going to help me this time
Is it believing or stupidity?
Is doubt all I have?
The Sun has a halo
Rainbow halo
I need some help
Again
What a surprise
I’ll just beg and borrow more until I’m blue in the face
I’m supposed to have control of myself
I’m supposed to keep this together and live with nothing
But I
I’m just teetering on the edge of madness
One more moment of joy please I beg
You say you already showed me it all
How could that even be true?
Gods help
And it all costs money
Just one moment of feeling like a person whose needs deserve to be met
And now I’m in this situation
Please?
I’m begging you
Just like I always do
No comments on -
Talking about inadequacy
It’s looking at all that
Versus this
As if I could ever stand up to that
Sol
You came out for just a moment as the song ended
And I can still feel your warmth
Trying to break through again
It’s beautiful
But it’s
It’s just about his ordinary life
Meanwhile in the world things are happening
And this continuing on like thousands haven’t been erased recently
There’s just more important stuff than supporting nothing right now
I’ve noted his lack of enthusiasm about it
Offering it up days later like an after thought
I wish he could see what I see
Hermes send him something that will get it through his thick skull that he is worth it
Worthy
Maybe that is the thing we of this kind of too much struggle with the most
Tiny tits in the yard
I’m not even sure if we do have this akin between us
Read between the lines so damn hard I can’t think straight
That’s alright I’ll never be straight
I love you
You stupid beautiful man
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What are you good at?
I’m good at making things lyrical
Just everyday things
Thrown into the pot of words
Out comes something vaguely poetic
I swear I speak in prose
Constantly composing
This endless waltz I’ve landed myself in
The dance
The pas de deux
We dance by ourselves
生命の
And what not
We
And me
The universe is always here but we seldom think of them
Those few one things that will be with us in our forever
I wonder if there will ever be a day I can be awake
Truly
See all this nothing looks so poetic
How strange
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What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
My vision of “it all”
Is me living in a single story, small, house
With my various creatures
With enough money to care for them
And myself
No rent
Being able to buy things when I want them
I don’t want to be making million dollar purchases
I want to be able to afford my rent after spending $200 for fun
Rather so my mental health doesn’t plummet
Or just not have any rent
If I could eat when I’m hungry
Eat what I want
Afford my medication without it being half my pay cheque
I would have a cleaner and a cook
Only because I struggle so much with both and I miss home cooked food
Never another unflavoured TV dinner
But me having it all
Would require everyone else having it too
Though perhaps it everyone lived more like me this poor planet could sustain that
I wouldn’t be able to find happiness surrounded by suffering
The pieces of peace I attain now are almost certainly a defence mechanism so I don’t lose my mind again
If this “all” also had close and caring communities I wouldn’t object
Ah fantasy
Now I shall go back to being short on rent
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Has anyone noticed the winds?
They come on faster
Stay longer
And blow harder
And it’s just another thing going wrong
But once again I seem to be the only one noticing it
Water drying too fast after the rain
Too little rain to begin with
We know winds can travel at hundreds of kilometres an hour on other planets
Yet we seem to have no fear of it
The increased numbers of storms are on the radar
“Increased climate events”
And all that
But they don’t mention the mundane
They never do
It’s always about the big stuff
They don’t seem to care that the little stuff is what is adding up to create the big stuff
Ever
In any time
And I find myself cursing it
Damn wind
But it is our clear warning that we have gone too far
The gust I saw a few nights ago
It’s not the wind speeds that are the problem is the strength with which they come on
She’s going to wreak destruction upon us
If we haven’t already shot eachother to death
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You can’t tell me the universe doesn’t do me favours
A rainy day, but I came out just in time to see the Sun
My dear Sol
To come out and feel the realness of sunlight on my skin
So others feel the way he studies their face with his light
Like a thousand thousand fingers
Death is inevitable
I entertain the thought of being immortal
But I know it is true
It is that I can come to you, again
Tears have fallen, I am but am exhausted husk of grief
But you touch me and I can feel that maybe it’s okay
That it was awful
And she is gone
But you and I are still here and you parted the clouds yet again to let me know it
There is a gentleness in the Universe’s timing
I would have suffered so much if I had come home to her gone
This has been yet another day where grief is all I know
But I can feel all of you out there
Heh
There are so many of you gathered around the Sun right now
Endings are hard and I have signed up for many
But somehow
Somehow
When my soul cries out for someone to just hold me together for a moment
There’s that big ol’ shiny ball
It may be selfish to think that the Sun would do such a thing for me
To be with me at moments I most need
Someone
And the planets just so happening
Space is weird
The Universe is weird
You and your strange cosmic timing
This place is far more mystical than we will ever know
Thank you for laying upon my skin for a moment dear Sol
It makes me feel like I’m not alone
Elucidating Questions 