Elucidating Questions

Here’s me laughing my head off because I was having a conversation with the around beings about that one time it snowed in June

Thought

That’s not going to happen again

As usual the weather said hold my beer

And so snow on the Coquihalla

I don’t know why you do this, weather

Or, rather, the individuals who make up the weather

It’s mega entertaining

Sometimes it feels like you’re playing a game with me

I say

There’s no way blank

So you do blank

Like do I now fire back with

Yeah but I bet it won’t hail

Here

To know the weather

My strange relationships with the world around me instead of people

If only everyone knew this place like I do

It’s like that Pocahontas song except it’s not the Raven and the Otter who are my friends it’s the wind, rain, and plants

Well and of course the yet unmentioned Big Beautiful Ball of Fire

When I speak to to the Earth she tells me she is tired

But the wind is alive with rage and chaos

Sorry Hermes but I don’t want this place to become a world of wind

I want them to feel her like I do

Dropping bombs on her

Killing her children enmasse

How she weeps with a sorrow unmatched

I enjoy my game for a moment

I am quickly reminded how our Mother suffers

Thank you for keeping me entertained but for a moment all you weather

I wish other people played games with you

She said “do you know where to get 46 size men’s shorts in the city?”

And I said “No I’ve never had to deal with anything like that”

She says “You’re lucky”

And I plunged into the sadness for a moment

Oh yes lucky me who’s going to go home after this and be alone and not talk to another person who’s not paid to talk to me until Thursday

Which is when I work again and have to deal with customers

Who aren’t paid to talk to me

Lucky lucky

So lucky I have no friends and my family would rather I ceased to exist

Yes, yes

Lucky me

I almost laughed at her

That line “I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral”

That’s me now because I laugh when I’m in pain

I laugh when something makes me want to cry

I can’t even allow myself to feel the sadness I feel at how alone I am because I would drown in it

Wouldn’t it be nice to actually be lucky and have someone to take care of who takes care of me

It’s sick

Me being called lucky

It’s sick because I do have this strange sick luck

Like I’m not homeless

But I suffer every day and go hungry

So there’s that

I wish customers wouldn’t plunge me into the sadness

It’s hard to breathe for a moment when you’re working

Got told off for expressing disgust at a left behind pacifier

“customers have been complaining about employees having grievances”

Bitch

Do they want to know how many grievances I actually have?

“um that’s supposed to be 50% off”

It fucking is!

And questions and distracting me

Demanding their money back when they don’t have the receipt or original payment method

You want to know what I actually think about my customer masters?

You’re all walking around like there’s several screws loose and somehow that’s my fault

People not knowing how much something is before demanding a discount

“this is defective”

Spoiler alert it never is

“well the other ones were on sale and I want that price”

It’s not the same colour/same item but I want it for the price that one is on for

What?

Who do you people think you are?

They’re driving me insane

I keep wondering how I’m the insane one

I keep wondering why customers will bitch over $3 price discrepancies

Like just tell me it’s supposed to be that price don’t get agro about it

And for fuck’s sake

Just give me a minute to do my job?

The passive aggressive watch checks

The sighs

You’re the one who decided to purchase 20 items give me a fucking minute

For gods’ sake

I am exhausted by customers

Half of the time I’m bracing myself for the next explosion

I’ve gotten to the point where if I don’t want to deal with them at all

I’ll just call a manager and they can deal with it

Not that they’re making enough money to deal with the bullshit these trogs spew out

Tell me you don’t understand anything about retail by being the absolute most frustrating customer

People coming up to me at cash and expecting me to help them find clothes in the store

The best one today was “do you know where the recycling facilities are in Victoria?”

Do I look like fucking Google to you?

Just so much rage

Humans are insufferable

I was on the bus and a young girl recognised my Cinnamoroll mascot on my walker

I made it from a kit and some personalization

Her mother asked if I sell them

And this has become a constant in my life

Do you sell them?

No

If I was to sell them I’d have to market myself

And figure out what I’m really worth

And deal with people telling me it’s too expensive

I don’t have a fire in me

I can’t sell myself

It’s a wonder I get through interviews for minimum wage stuff

And they’re not even good enough

I’d have to market myself as imperfect

Which I am, but

Consumers expect perfection

I am in no way a perfectionist

To stand on my own feet and decide my worth and fight for it

I’d have to believe things I make have value

Not that they don’t have personal value

But with, like, money

We hate money

I feel like it would almost cheapen them

Their value to me is more than what other people see

Like I might part with Blueberry if you gave me $500

Because then I could go make a second one and also eat for a week or so

You’d have to fight me over Dandelion

They’re special and unless you’re going to pay me enough to actually put a dent in my suffering why would I spend hours of my life crocheting only to never enjoy the result?

Nah

It’s not that I am worth that much

I’m just not going to sell a plushie that cost $40 in materials for $40

And I’m not willing to fight with people who think it should be that way

I don’t even know what I was doing with my phone before you walked in

With your gorgeous face

Damn

Why does he have to be cute?

He’s so beautiful that I could forget that he is a filthy capitalist.

That he’s a filthy noble

That he’s probably some filthy centrist with no real drive for any kind of change in the world

And that’s dangerous

It’s dangerous that I have a weak point in him

I don’t even know what I was thinking about before I got the notification

Fuck

Fuck indeed Mr Bear

Nah you should have left it in and fuck perfection

That’s me

Fucking perfection

As in fucking it

The sirens are wailing again

They always do

I already heard about the crows today

Today they were with someone else

Remember when I said I need someone to see?

Stop sending me texting buddies

I need to see someone

I guess I “saw” him

But seeing him just fills me with every emotion

You couldn’t send me him

But I wish you could

Just so I can ask all my questions

And get some answers

Be part of his world for a moment

Borrow some of his

His together and successfulness

Nah

Maybe something like a mutual connection

With someone anyway

Someone that will come to me

Yes his face was beautiful and is the last most beautiful thing I have seen because I haven’t seen the Sun since he’s le tired and has gone to bed

Right in that midpoint between having a Sun to talk to and having stars to talk to

Luna, she is out

I will visit her momentarily

He is a beautiful bright light that will carry me through twilight

I’m so stuck to this man for no reason

Stuck to you

Stuck with me

Are you

Into the night together again yet ever so separate

If you ever do see the Moon I hope she’s sending you all the love I keep sending to her in your stead

At the very least I know every light is precious

Every shining light