Elucidating Questions

I arrived in the future

Just the same as the past

Don’t even have to think about it

Don’t need to look back

Nor around

It’s the same here

Subtle differences

This moment is no different than that moment

But I

Not wizened

Just more tired

The gauntlet of years I just lived through

I’ll never guess how we ever could have got here either

I’m pretty sure we were supposed to die

I’m shit at doing anything though

Except singing

Arrived

A tiny ladybug on the grass

Okay that’s how we got here I guess

You all showing me little things

Thousands of little things

Brought me here, somehow

Maybe I’m getting better

I wish I could stay sick with you

Heh

Reverberate away sounds and words

Out into this space

I’ll tell you something good

Beautiful place indeed

I wish I could see so much more

Be great and encompassing

Maybe I’ll become dark matter

Hold you all there in myself

The generator

Of this place

Creator

You gave me an eye for beauty

Fragility

Innocence

You did not give me an eye for this society

I’m not the one that started it

My brain did

Little shit

Hearing all the things and having no idea what they say

No, my madness doesn’t resemble their’s

This song

I’m surprised it’s still here

What hell it has sewn

It puts far too much power in my powerless hands

No one is diving anywhere for me

Rather me

I dive under to fill this demand of me

Whose could it have been?

Nothing ever makes sense

Nothing has made sense since

So much sadness

So much suffering

In this place

It’s nothing

Really

Being ignored until you hear the spirits

I call. 

The line is always dead.

I want someone to need me

Like I need people

Who would miss if I didn’t message for a day

The little things do bring me joy

But the big things are so much bigger

Where could I possibly go from here?

Not rock bottom

At least I’ve never actually hit rock bottom

Do you wonder what I am too?

I wonder what we all are

These breakable machines

Biology mixed in

It’s naught but a skin suit

My me is someplace else

Somewhere they don’t see

We could hardly match

Or even look similar

I was so mistaken

Never a mile when a mountain could be

Haven’t I walked 1000 miles yet?

I haven’t even moved a step

Am I lost?

Having not moved?

Yet it’s in my spine

Carrying all this weight

Do you even hear me?

No

I know the answer to that

If you did it would say so

It never said so

とんでもない片想い物語

いつもバカにしている

この世界が

You can call

Call away

I’m not going to give myself up for this place

This place that has given me nothing but pain

What do you even call me to do?

Do something

Trying to live without regret

Save one save them all

But the one was already gone

And I am hardly one

Hardly anything

Is isolation the punishment for not doing it right?

I think about it

It feels like punishment

What is with this song?

Spotify decided it likes it

Can’t I just go on living?

Twisted between calls of to death and to life

Why does the one who would take me send me away?

Even now?

Even now when my head and my heart hurt so much I can’t be kind?

I don’t want to be

Be right now

If I could turn myself off and on

When the pain gets so loud it’s all I hear

So tired of hearing from myself all that I can’t do

I want to be able to do things

主人公

何てないから

In the opposite way I was so ready

It’s a whole bunch of nothing anyways

Without

Always without

Even if I tried

One moment while I look around at all the trying

All the trying I did

That amounted to nothing

One moment while I feed my digital pet because that’s what keeps me company

Else I’ll really just fade away into nothing

Am I fading in your stead?

This is what realising how powerless I am brought me

My mask should be around here somewhere

Asking nobody to do something was your first mistake

It’s not my fault you messed up

Why did I even wake up?

The dreams were cruel

A message and then I woke up

I want to be someone who

Who doesn’t feel attached to strangers

I guess there is a trying too hard

I suppose I could listen again

See what it says in the light

Yeah it’s okay

Who knows who this is for

It’s his heartbeat keeping me awake

If only

Crying into the endless nothing

Well it’s not as if we’re both not sticking around

Maybe it’s old writing

Probably the same old thing

His voice always reaches me

I don’t think there is a better for me

Far away

Far away

Useless thoughts

Lost in the wheel

Because I’m only one

And not many

Yet here I am again pouring

Don’t ask for everyone’s opinion then ignore them all or anything

It’s a good song

Just not great

Something you’d write trying to get out of a funk

Maybe I stole it

There’s no music here though

Only endless words

To return to a time when we both laughed

Together or in different places

Don’t you want to return to that time?

Please don’t keep lying to me

About someone who would run to me

When I’m in a world where no one has run to me

Except to tell me my want to leave is selfish

Trying my best

All the time and no one notices

Trying too hard

But I can’t relent until someone sees me

Want to trade lives for a bit?

My poor heart always so prepared to receive you

Foolish thing

Just more to pour out

I wonder if you realise it’s a demand yet

Saturn did you see that shit?

And the fucker is probably asleep now curled up next to his one true love and I’m awake now alone in the night

When I could be on my way to dreams to see someone

Writing for no reason

Watching satellites or whatever that funky light is

With words running rampant through my head

There and gone little light

Nothing changing

Just things staying the same

Is love really about the show you put on?

I must have done a poor job

The chill is back in the night

If I wait long enough will you see me?

Searching Arcturus for answers

Remember earlier when I was disappointed by an airplane so a shooting star happened?

I wish I had wished to fall asleep before seeing that post

I really don’t know why I’m here right now

I could be off so deep into sleep I’m almost dead

Curses

I just hope the music will calm my mind

My chest

Saturn I’m not supposed to see you yet

Not yet

Wish I could be falling asleep

As long as this is what continues maybe I will

Into dreams to visit not real people who talk to me

Whose lives I belong in

It’s just another airplane

Do I get a wish?

お休みしたい

Fuckers

That fuck

He woke me up

And now I have like second hand anxiety

Why did you release a song at 10pm?

Why?

Why did my brain tell me to look at my phone to see it?

Go to bed!

It’s probably nothing even to do with him

It’s just another thing to sing back

It’s not like I don’t worry regardless of whatever the hell is going on over there

A regular nothing meaning kind of song

Nothing deep

Very

I won’t say that

Nothing meaning kind of songs aren’t bad

Just not something I can sink my teeth into and create from

Well it’s not like he owes me inspiration

Man I wish I had a drink right now

Knowing he doesn’t care and providing him my opinion anyways because, well, he asked everyone

バカじゃないの？自分が。

It always feels so relevant

For no reason

Nothing real comes from anything

So it really doesn’t matter

Need to sing myself a lullaby

Maybe if I wait an hour

Saturn will sing one for me

I know where I’m not wanted and yet, there I am

Can I just fast forward to morning without one more night of the same dreams over again?

The day is still on repeat

The similarities just blurred into the scenery

Bring me a moment of calm to fall asleep to

You should have known better