Elucidating Questions

Sitting on the side of the road, feet planted in the street,

And I wonder how you’ve been and how you are.

Staring at the sky, painting pictures with my mind,

And wondering what the new sound will be.

This endless craving to be near someone who’s never been that close,

The call to somewhere and the pull,

The urge to run free for a day, spent hiding away,

Closer but away,

Every single day,

Feelings strong, longing long,

And far, far away.

I love you. I’ll love you.

I need you. I’ll need you.

I want you. I’ll want you.

I wish you were near. It’s not like home here.

Taking a puff on the side of the road, staring up and thinking of you and those around who I hope are well and I

Hope you are well. Please, stay well.

The clouds look like brushstrokes, a reverse tundra in the sky.

Twists and twirls as the sun falls and the greys seep in. Darkness and softness, solid, yet not.

Through the spots seeable, the blue like crystal that reminds every day.

The wind flows gently through the trees and changes the sky in seconds above. The distance is mountains, the tundra now whisps.

Like fingers dragged across, the warmth of the sentimentality of the setting sun.

Grey like rain, changes in a blink.

Of you blink it’s gone, like fading ink.

Coming or going, the rolling clouds, the watercolour painting that is the sky right now.

As the heart thuds and the yearning grows.

The need and the want to be near and to see something real. To feel touch and hear sound that isn’t artificial or recorded.

Wanting to hold hands and pet hair and stroke cheeks and kiss lips.

Hear a laugh or words. Laugh myself and say words not practised or canned.

The automatic responses of every day life, the want to be real. The want to be near.

The urge to cut through it all and insist.

Pull you in and hold you close until there is no maybe or no or left or right or up or down or male or female or gay or straight.

There’s only two people, existing happily.

If only it could be so easy. If only life was so easy. If only you could bend the rules. If only there were no rules.

If only love could conquer anything, if only it could overcome anything, if only you loved me.

I’ve been pacing this room in my heart in search of an answer.

This room where it’s you and me.

The never ending rhythm where the walls are so high.

But they tumble down in the night, the inbetween dreams I wake.

Time moves on, as the days go by,

I tried to stay awake but, I

Lost myself along the way, lost the key to the room, got lost without you.

I just want to go, can’t I go?

Can I beg on my knees? Wrap around your feet?

Don’t go, don’t leave. I’ll miss you, I’ll miss you, please.

The walls come down, the room falls in, when can this begin?

I would let you in, you always win.

If you could see, where would you want to be?

Spinning and turning, unconscious yearning. Even as the words don’t come, the feeling stays.

It’s a different one, this time with less disregard for the sickness that came.

Another time another place, they walk by, they look and feel.

The place that feels best for a headache and a comfort for the feeling of being sick and alone.

It makes it better, if there’s a fever it’s easier, I can hear and listen,

To the one who makes me feel safe.

If it’s clear, the skies are not, but the place is every day, and the time is anywhere.

Waiting for something, trying to stay awake.

Take a breath and feel some calm. This feeling of going too fast and too far. This feeling of having experienced it before and having been stuck on it.

Everything you need to you. A bit of rain, some sun, some air. Too much too long and you’ll burn out.

Bringing down the heat and the tumbling discontrol.

The thoughts as they come and go, in and out like breaths and waves.

The dizzying feeling of far too much, far to fast.

Relax.

Slow down.