Elucidating Questions

When you join a country to agree to follow the rules of that country.

When you are born in a country you are required to follow the rules.

A world where all children are taught as they grow up the rules of their country and how to follow them, they are taught the rules of the other countries as well.

A world where a child who wishes to pursue new rules is encouraged to seek out a place they belong

A world where at the age of majority they can choose freely to leave their country for another.

A world where these countries are all painted as idyllic and one child chooses to move to a place with rules more suited to them

And lands only to find the world they have landed in is far different than they expected.

They cannot turn back.

If you feel unimportant realise you are aware enough to realise importance.

Imagine you are part of the people that hold up the sky.

If you feel invisible realise that you see other people enough to see them not seeing you.

Imagine you are not alone, simply because I am here and if I am not,

Imagine me beside you because I knew how you feel, and a part of me is watching.

A part of the yellow that remains is watching you too.

If you feel like there’s no tomorrow,

Realise that you have enough on your mind to feel that there isn’t. That others feel it too and I know,

The sun never turns off.

If you wish there was no tomorrow,

I hope one thing happens to make you hope there is.

Even if it doesn’t,

I hope you have the strength to carry your piece of the sky,

Because the hole in my heart gets bigger

As every star

Every light

Every love

Every life

That falls takes a piece of the family that is mankind

With it.

They wondered why, but they don’t know my name. They haven’t properly met me yet, they don’t know this one.

I’ve been calling, but guilt

And I’ve been trying to break through, but guilt

Tell me when they feel guilty do you feel pain?

Tell me, do you always feel guilty?

Tell me why did you draw a circle without any of the good things that you could feel when with someone and

Then become so bitter when the circle was broken and then, leave them standing in the dark.

Don’t think I can’t taste it I am too old to not taste it to not feel that tone or hear it are you not surprised that all I see is users

Are you not surprised that all this old one can see is

You don’t understand the magic, you’re scared.

You don’t understand why, and you’re scared.

I told you I’m too old.

I know you’re scared.

Have you ever lain in your bed and shrunk away from the air as tears stream down and been so scared of everything

Have you ever realised where you were being led and managed to get to the point of it and realised

It failed last time.

Have you ever looked down in the masses that wait for a word of something

Of whoever

Of whatever

And realised, nothing they say is anything they want to hear

Have you ever stared down into those faces that go on for miles and wondered how could you possibly reach them all

With the core

With the one word that is always on all of their lips

Love

No one not one even when the messenger isn’t speaking to the warrior and the judge isn’t listening to time or music or time isn’t listening to the watchers

Love.

Love.

Love

Damn it love.

And she sits under my feet and she whispers,

Do you love me?

And I whisper back, yes.

But when I run home I go straight to the sky.

Because I realised,

That by changing what love meant, and making it hollow

Or attached to rules or strings or anything

When love is love

It is an intangible feeling that should be expressed and shown,

But they broke it.

Hid the loudest part of it, the only part I would dare to repeat,

No one ever tried to learn how to love.

It’s the only way I know how to teach.

And if you ask how could I know or personify or speak as something or someone or anything so old,

Because I’m older than that.

And because all they can do is write about how much it hurts.

Look at all those notes you left for not yourself but him, if he was reading it.

Just in case.

Because you wanted to warn him,

It was happening again.

And it doesn’t matter if you take the music away, the sun is still on

The sky still rose with the moon the sun still rose with the messenger

The ocean still sat at the edge and watched as

The warrior the hourglass the scythe and the judge were

In a line

And they all said

Love.

But I am very old

The pain in the spine and the weight of the wings and the things that say

Well you know

Anything

Everything

It gets so very tiring sitting alone in silence and making friends with memories

While leaving out your own for you know it will wake them

It gets very heavy,

Holding on to a sentence that goes on for miles and never seems to end.

Soon you begin to wonder

Where did the sense go?

Where is the reason?

Well, if neither has been found

Then neither exist.

Do they?

He turns it on as if it is a switch leading me in directions that make me think that maybe this time,

If only all I wanted was one perfect night.

He turns it off just as quickly, pointing fingers saying it’s my fault saying I am the one who has misunderstood he says it’s me

It’s not him.

But I’ve loved him in spite of the way he uses my body and then turns me out like a cheap whore and I must be cheap,

The cost of a smile and some words.

Easy.

Then comes the months afterwards the months that go on like years as I try to understand the phrase

Players only love you when they’re playing

And I try so hard to step out of stereotypes and the words spoken by voices hurt and assumptions but he looked at me like that and

He also spoke of who he would rather be with, he also never considers the mess he leaves me in

Why am I nothing to everyone why does no one see me?

Why does he leave me here day in and day out why did he never see me when I stood as close as I could and screamed

I love you

I need you

I want you close to me

No one heard.

Screaming into the emptiness left behind by the blue bird and the wolf.

He doesn’t see how it hurts to be unseen, yet having never experienced being unseen he could not dream to understand how it feels.

He doesn’t believe that it hurts to sit on in silence day in and day out never hearing the conversation of another not remembering how to speak.

He can’t see how he’s tearing me apart with every word that he doesn’t say to me silence to the left silence to the right

There’s no middle there’s nothing here just the soundless sound of silence.

On the edge of this never ending nothing.

No matter how I beg, or hold my breath, or wish and hope and cry,

I wake up the day after.

There is no one by my side, no one calling, no one waiting, no one has heard or seen or cares.

And it continues.

I wish I could understand how it is so easy to throw out a person.

Now I have

More holes. More words I already knew in a way I’d never heard but I already heard it and it was still beautiful and I

Now I have more holes.

The numbers matched and if everything else has been as it has been and I think and I keep running away from it because

I can’t do this alone.

Things unsaid so there’s no proof to point to but the truth within,

Knows what was heard regardless of the sharing of them and watching it happen just takes

Just makes it worse now.

Running to the sky, away I can’t do it I can’t stay if there’s nothing here that sees and wants to stay with me

Straight away.

I can’t do this again. Not to my self again.