Elucidating Questions

I want to melt the frozen centre of your heart,

Not knowing how it could be so cold when you light everything around.

How can I stand in you and feel nothing at all?

I wish I could hold you like you hold me.

All the times I fell apart to be put back together by you.

Yet resisting the urge to do anything, say anything,

Because I thought it was unbalanced and should fix it when there was little to no interest approaching

I wish I had someone to sing with,

A song that hasn’t been sung,

I hear them playing inside me, but I don’t know how to transpose them

The music is trapped inside,

I just find it so strange how many barriers there are,

Between me and you

Disregarding even us

Just all the barriers that stop the screaming in my heart from being heard by anyone who may listen.

The feeling I have with others

Is so much more than the feeling I have alone in the field every day.

The sun disappeared behind a wall of grey,

The moon slipping down ablaze

When the grey cleared and the stars once more shone above,

Every light that could be seen was still present,

But had been missed regardless.

The face of the moon streaked out,

Far away the forests blazed

Set fire by the foolishness of us

If you think about it

It’s all man made

We pushed her this far,

Tick tock

Every second that passes is one less second to do something to save her

So many can’t, trapped in daily lives, consuming as if it can’t be stopped like a beast,

Pushing us closer to the cliff before the drop

So the fires blaze, the lightning strikes, the ocean rages, the slow

But always never silent

Throes of awakening the beast

With our own selfish efforts.

The fires are burning within the red moon,

The dusty surface of the far away red light.

Large and setting

The red one seems white

The white one seems red

Sinking into the other side

Between them silently a daily war fought,

The moon set aflame by the fear and the wondering.

The other hides its true face behind smoke and dust.

Goodnight,

I want to say.

I love you,

I want to say.

I miss you. You’re adorable. I want to say,

Instead,

The moon sets alone and

A simple mistake,

Snatches the chances of home away.

Setting Greek fire to the lost tablet.

I could stand like a good soldier but

Then I’d have to lose this strangeness

Just refuse to bow and say whatever

I don’t come in aiming fingers, and it gets easier to understand

Like,

That moment when you realize your entire life is a construction for someone else

That you’re living a lie and you ask

Why did you do this to me?

And then you hear this silence

And the reply is

Well I didn’t

Did I?

But I know well enough that we don’t listen very well,

We run off with it and almost end up far too far away

Did you see?

Because I did and it hurt.

A hand on the side of my face

And then he’s screaming and he’s so calm

But the answer seemed final

Why is that?

Because I see you making that face again the

Smirk like you know so much better than me, but usually I don’t know what the loudest words are

Is the only way to create something by beating it?

Five different jokes

But it was a sad question.

I wonder if I’m just starting to hear laughter in the tracks or if it was always there and I never noticed

But I can feel the emotions spoken when they’re spoken

Like I can see how your face must have looked when the sounds came out it’s weird

Highly visual in the subspiritual space of humanity.

Listen close and hear my thoughts in every note, like that but not because I only feel one present

And it isn’t the heart throb simply because the words are empty empty there’s no expression here

The song grows empty, I wonder why

I only hear the soul,

Not the thoughts sorry

Where’d the soul go?

I think there’s a damn good party going on,

Somewhere far far away

Somewhere where the words are for.

I never said it was meant for me I said it was like.

Often.

Always.

I was just writing it down.

I want to go home.

Started when I was far from what I thought was home but never settled

I ask myself, usually bitter through tears

Well where’s home then?

It’s like crying over a lover that never happened

What are you crying about you don’t even know what you missed.

Or a person you never met

You don’t even know why you’re crying

Stop it

So I try to answer these questions, gets my mind off of how much I hate every tear

I hypothesise

Perhaps

Maybe

If I think about it

When I really think about it

Swept away by thought I ignore the initial pull and turn my face to the sky

Screaming

Silently screaming as loud as I can

Mostly yelling about the stupid autocorrect, but

It’s not here if

I have to think it away if I don’t

No matter what that word is connected to

No I don’t want to feel that way,

So if I don’t know what I’m looking for

Pretending not to see the glaring answer

Conscious deception of self

Difficult complex thought processes

The ring moved itself I have no recollection of when.

If I could I would pack up and leave today

To be as far away from the answer as I could be

Instead I pretend it’s somewhere out there.