Elucidating Questions

So easy to forget me and put me on the shelf.

Easy to pretend I don’t exist and turn off the messages.

So easy to erase everything I am with disregard and silence.

So I wake up in tears and you wake up just fine.

I should look at you and be glad you’re not hurting.

I should be able to put away my pain and let you be happy without me

Without me

I’ll live through it

I know I’ll live through it

I don’t want to should be an acceptable answer but it’s not

I love you but it’s not good enough

Forgiveness didn’t even factor in I can forgive every little thing over and over again

But it never matters.

Shaking hands and muscles tired.

Working minimum wage in my dreams for free.

I think my cat is sick.

She was lying on the couch.

They always visit before they go.

Nightmares.

I know you lie but I have no fight and I don’t want to make more and more and more mistakes

I just don’t want to be alone anymore.

I keep begging for someone to come help me get up and

They try so hard with rainbows and little things

But I keep sinking and I feel so greedy asking for more

Why do I feel so lonely and alone when things that make me smile keep happening

Where are you?

Why aren’t you here it’s so easy

It’s too easy

Right?

The world beat me to a pulp and no one wants to help me with the pieces

And every relationship I’m just too desperate for

So they all pull away

The more I need someone the less someone is here

The more I need company the more alone I am

Tell me how to be secure in a life no one wants to connect to

Tell me why everyone leaves and no one wants to come back

They told me if I let them go they’d come back but no one ever does

Fly away

Flying away

Goodbye forever

Every time

I want you to stay please stay I stopped begging

Silent I watch them all walk.

And he was never coming to begin with.

You don’t want this, but I love you.

You don’t need this, but I love you.

You didn’t ask for this, but I love you.

So many days go by where online is all I see of people living and I wonder if I’m living at all.

I’ll love you until the day I die and that I don’t promise it’s just the truth.

Somewhere out there you’re having a better night than me again but this time I’m not pretending

I’m just lying here wishing you were here or that something had gone right or that I didn’t fall right on my face.

Keeping pace losing faith

Losing face falling grace

If only somewhere there had been something clear and I had just listened.

Never told anyone

I’d still be loving you in a fantasy where every excuse was just fine by me you’d be home someday I’d still believe

Love and a lie.

At least I’d be blissfully ignorant and still writing you love poetry like

There you are living how you were meant to, healing others even though you don’t feel you can heal yourself

Isn’t it so presumptuous?

Quiet soft sobbing in the cell

Didn’t you think before you wrote anything or did you just

Decide you knew all these complete strangers because you were sad and lonely

Pathetic.

Don’t worry

I’m doing a better job knocking me off my feet than you ever could.

The car broke down a bit but the electrical system was always broken so we can’t tell what’s wrong

Without complete system diagnostics

They grow back.

Everyone keeps telling me I have a broken wing

A man with a owl hoodie told me

I was having a rough go at it

And to have a good day.

I’m trying really hard.

He talked me into trying the meds again

Now that everything has settled

Now that we don’t know why we can’t catch a moment of peace.

Left handed, but the left arm is healing slowly

Again

I thought I’d have a double

My ankle has been threatening

Then I’ll be a side.

Two tires blown.

Stuck on the side of the road.

I stood at the wreckage of a city

There were homes here

They weren’t nice enough so the neighbours complained

Sent in their soldiers to tear it down

Legitimate claims that became illegitimate mere days after the justified ruling.

I looked over the wreckage of a tiny city.

It’s raining today.

Where did they go?

Where will they go now?

And why wasn’t that the issue to be addressed

And not where they put their tiny so called ugly homes

Rather that they didn’t have some societally prescribed house to begin with.

I issued a challenge I didn’t realise would be a challenge

Ulysses if you will

An obvious thing I can’t answer.

What happens now?

Limbo?

Here I thought the gatherer would find the answer easily click here tongue and quit.

Hera?

Autocorrect

Click her tongue and quit.

Indeed but no that’s not what I’m asking and you know it.

That was fucking weird

That was so incredibly fucking weird

I was so drunk I couldn’t stand and was about to throw up

And I…was I?

Were you?

It was like the reality around me was drunk and my body was drunk but my brain was like not really

Well that’s an interesting party trick.

Let’s use it at all the parties we don’t go to.

Do you think…?

Yeah I do.

Weird.

Really fucking weird.

Let’s do it again and find out.