Elucidating Questions

You don’t feel it like I do

Like the moment I realised you were just going to leave me here in this blinding place

Like you aren’t going to someday permit me the mercy I have begged you for

Safer lost in the thoughts of a man who would have

Really though to leave me here to burn and hurt all alone when I know I know

It’s not your issue

I put myself here and I can’t hold it against you

I usually don’t

It would be so nice to blame someone other than myself but I did this to myself

And a complete stranger

Well he is or isn’t aware so what’s the reason for it

Why can’t I stop?

I should apologise for involving them.

I should not speak to them.

And who among them would even care

For the apologies of a crazy lonely stranger.

I don’t know why the hearth is so angry

Or why the oil is popping so violently

The popping scares me I am afraid of the pain it promises

Sweet lady of the hearth what have I done to anger you so or to create in you such fear that I must be fearful of my own

Please let me know I need it well balanced in this home but he’s twisting his head around again and I wonder where he’s looking

When

I don’t know.

I don’t believe you when you say it’s too late to be begun

I don’t believe you when you say it’s over and done

I can’t believe you when you say we’re better off

I don’t hear you saying we should continue separate ways

Do you see me drowning in the well of yesterday

In May

I still feel that way

I don’t believe you when you say time will take the pain away

Because I still feel that way

Like I did in May

I still feel that way

If only reality was the dream.

If only reality was the dream.

All of them started for you but the cracks got in.

Remembering in pieces that I am not a jackass, but he is such a jackass.

When I turn the other way here you come knocking.

Don’t even know you do it, but you do it every time.

Like a smack to the face every second the wolf takes. At least these mistakes can be deleted. Unlike the thousands I lost and forgot.

Your soul hits harder than your words dipped with knives do. Truly yours in the passive acceptance of the words you keep spitting in my general direction.

Yes, and no, and ugh I can’t explain it but you’re really fucking loud.

Should I even send you love if you don’t want it.

Your lady is yours and perfect forever. I still hear how much you love her and it makes and ruins my day, but it’s not for me anyway so it might matter later.

And I’m yours and imperfect and just a mess. I say forever, I’m hanging on by this thread. Knowing that beautiful melody isn’t mine but I listen to it like I need it.

I need it, I’m sorry I took it.

Good I guess. Day is over, here’s the promise kept.

First kiss, sudden bliss, so many things I had missed.

Dark streets, dark nights, heart locked away inside. Travelling through time in space.

The scenery never changed, we always stayed the same. The fireworks we watched from the bridge.

And as the flowers bloomed and the moon swung low, we made a promise under the stars. And so it went, in the freedom of the night.

Nighttime flowers, pouring showers, the wind whipping through the trees.

If I had a wish, it would be to go back and do it again and never look back.

No one but you and me and the nights we ran free through the town and the trees with you along side, always with me.

And if I could go back I would keep it like that,

You and me in eternity as the world came crashing down around us.

Just you and me, you and me. I would have never let anyone see, just you and me.

I didn’t find anyone today.

I found the forest and the village and the road and the sky.

I found the ocean and the grass and the flowers as they blew by.

I tried to find love or the heart and found something else instead.

I found the end of my story, I hope it comes soon.

I hope that the world after it, is a better place, not worse.

My life would never be worth billions of others.

It should be the other way around.

If anyone should fall, it’s me from here.

I don’t know what they wanted to save in me but, I don’t see it.

I appreciate the help, and number one screaming about it,

But in the end, all I can do is ask for the end.

Because I never found happy,

And I don’t believe in ever for me.

There could have been laughter,

By now we could have one hundred times over,

But I couldn’t and that’s the joke.

That’s the cause of the laughter.

It’s funny because,

No matter what I do,

No one ever sticks to me.

But everyone will always stick to you.

May every person you meet be kind and understanding.

May you always have tomorrow and a reason to be left standing.

May you find someone, that one that you insist that I’m not.

I really thought I had found you.

As the sirens wail…

I should have known from the start,

It was a lie that I have any one.

After all I never wanted anyone,

Until I saw you,

So I suppose… That sucks too.

I’m sorry I let Hermes lie to you.

I’ll never do it again, I’m trying to stay away it’s just that you’re in my thoughts like a fucking bullet every day.

You wouldn’t notice I’m gone, just like no one else does.

If I left without a trace,

No one would miss me for months.

So I wish that will never happen to you, that everyone sees how beautiful you are and how your eyes shine and you’re kind and you help and you try…

I pray you’re never overlooked or unknown unless you need it,

And I hope you have billions of reasons to smile,

Forever.