Elucidating Questions

Distraction

Destination

Destiny

Dragging

Down

Dreary

Dreaming

Darkness

Daunted

Dogged

Damsels

Dangling

Drowned

Dented

Dragged

Diana

Damned

Determined

Dying

I never said a word

Out of want to harm him

But it didn’t matter

I never said a word

That wasn’t just to express

How much I hurt

But it never mattered

All over are the words that I didn’t write to harm him

But as always

My intentions don’t get to stand trial

As always

They assume and assume and assume

Now as soon as I give up

I have to hear all the songs

About how it’s my fault

Because I gave up and didn’t try hard enough

Every time it starts gnawing with its teeth

I didn’t find anyone who wanted to keep me

That’s the moral of the story

That page at the end of the book where everything is tied together

This story that he doesn’t want

I’m nothing

Yet it continues

This garbage nothing story of a life no one wants

My intentions don’t matter

What I was trying to do doesn’t matter

I don’t have to remember anything

I don’t have to remember any fucking thing

Because he didn’t want it

So it was worthless

Just like me

Why did I let you win?

It feels like there’s nowhere to go.

All I can do has been determined.

Locked in a repeating world that doesn’t sleep.

Trench.

It was everywhere.

When a word enters dreams so loudly and so clearly,

But I’ve never met anyone who uses dreams like I do as a better world to live in.

Every day every move is made just so I can return.

But why does it keep coming up?

Why does it yell so loudly?

In my dreams I never wonder when he walks in.

Whoever he is with the face of an angel

Who used to sing me up

I used to think so

Before I fell asleep into dreams where I don’t feel so alone every day

I looked back ten months and screamed, why?

Why?

What happened to trigger this?

But there was no answer.

The past was silent, and broken.

The words that come out are never quite right

I can’t seem to understand how you want to fight

Where does the fight come from?

They looked happy.

That’s good.

I’m lonely but that never matters.

I’m alone but I’m always alone.

There isn’t one.

There’s no happy smiling family.

Something maybe someday.

Maybe.

Probably not.

I had to fight her too

If only someone could hear the thoughts

I know you’re more important than me

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

I know I shouldn’t be breathing

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

It just wanders to the road

If I took a step forward

She started crying because I wouldn’t let her

She wants to step into the river

I want to river to flow

She wants to stop breathing

I do too

But it won’t work that way

The only reason I stopped her

Was because she would have failed and fucked our life up worse than she already has

Hey you stupid bitch

You shot the fucking moon

Unrelated nothing person

You chose to ignore the obvious attempt to relieve you of

The terrible cloud you’re so afraid of

And chose to attack a suicidal person

Over two seconds of breath

You can never get back anyways

You are the reason we hate people

You stupid fucking bitch

You’re lucky she fought me.