Elucidating Questions

It’s always done in such a way that nobody gets hurt

But no one knew I’m nobody

Mr. Nobody

Nobody gets hurt over and over and over again

This love no one knows

Or cares

About

Nobody knows about

Nobody cares about

Nobody wants

Nobody cries over

Nobody begs for

Nobody cries to Vega begging for help

Surprise

It’s an okay rock.

Waking

They will fade into nothing

As I have

Lost in a world where

There’s no you

Without I wander

Through my own home just trying to kill the time

I don’t want to try again to find you

I don’t want to try again to only see you turn away in disgust

That my you isn’t looking for me

Isn’t waiting for me

Isn’t searching for me

The you that I hold on to

That holds on to me

The you who would watch me play or play and I’d watch

Or cooking together

There’s no you whose gravity pulls me across the room to hide against your chest and hear your heart beating

Thrumming with the life I cherish so much

That doesn’t exist

There’s no you to look over at any time day or night and say

Let’s go for a walk

There’s no you to go for a drive

There’s no you to playfully banter back and forth

There’s no you

There’s no quiet nights when it has you tight and you just need me close to keep it right or vice versa

No you.

There’s no you.

There’s no singing along to songs that are lies but we try to make them real for once

A love that lasts and stays true every day

Because there’s no you

Waking

Alone in a room surrounded by nothing

Wrapped in nothing

No you

Through tears and desperation

Through longing and yearning that pierces my chest and takes hold, a poisoned arrow

There is no you

The thought

Of finding you only to have you discard me disqualify me turn away from me desert me

Makes me realise that none of it was worth it

That I am here alone

And that you’re not here

All I remember well is they were so quiet and empty

Those years always on edge

Always expecting the walking into a wall or the

Watching everything spinning so out of control

Now I have those hours which I craved because I knew they could be over

In a second

And it so often was and I feel like I’m in free fall

Not free falling just

Dropping

Falling forever into nothing at all wishes drop around as in pebbles they fall

I think I decided to jump

I can’t deny but now I wonder

I wonder if I’ll ever get to go home

If only I could afford to get away from this place

I’d just go somewhere and say

If only’s aren’t wishes

They are possible just not now

Just not now

Now is another night I go alone in the nothing of the fall

I dream of you every night

I love you you know.

I love you.

You’re beautiful

And no matter what no matter what comes out of my mouth when I can’t stop the vile sadness from blotting out

A moment I wanted to share with you

A second I wished you were there

Moments of endless waiting

Always waiting

Always just sort of hoping this time it will be real.

Every day midnight comes closer

And I hate the sound of the bells ringing again

Two things which I sought out to find

Two things which I did not

Strike three I’m out I can’t stay in there’s no game I can’t lose

If I could find something

Somewhere

I wonder how it would feel to be

There

I can’t be saved

If you can’t be then I can’t be either.

There’s no saving from this it’s been a nightmare

I’ve been on fire

Burning in the night wondering why it got worse it got a bit better

Don’t lie don’t lie

Where I lie because I tried and the bed is so cold and I pull the pillows closer wishing they were human bodies

Their pillows only painted human bodies

Not real no heat

I think I just can’t beat this silence that’s been

I can’t

I don’t know what they want from me and I don’t want to text for two hours I want to see someone

You’re always there when I need

But you’re so far away from me and looking up and flying against the glass

Just doesn’t do doesn’t last if he’d just let me past I would go

The man is still the most obvious shape in the night

When I can’t sleep at least he’s there with me

So far away

In circles I go

Aphrodite would be good with Dionysus though

I just wish I could find home

There’s no place like it

And I’ve never found it

I want to go to the end

Fates,

Worse than Death.

As we fall, down into the ground

As the styx rises all around

Try to hide, you only face regrets

Look around, there’s no one here to get

Classically, sinking all around

Trying hard, not to hear the sound

Where you go, you’ll only find the storm

Where you hide, you’ll only face the torn

Trapped, underneath the rising form

Lost, with a matchbox much too worn

To light

I am tracing through the stars again patterns known only to me like the collection growing that appears to be the Little Dipper littler

No,

Littler.

And the dog and the man are back as the boy and his knife slip over the mountains after the bear

No really when you can’t see the dipper there’s a tiny one

Littler

The size of the tip of your finger if you hold it up to the stars

Now reader

Audience

Viewer if you will

I will need you to be a bit quieter

Quieter than that

Just kidding I can’t hear you I can only hear me

And I don’t know who I’m talking to if anyone

There may be no one

Perhaps I’ll force there to be an audience, read it allowed in class

Make sure everyone has that weird look on their face

Yes

That one

Breaking every wall in the china shop.

Do you ever think about how you’re the only one that ever has to live with you every second of every day of your entire life?

No one else can hear the voice in your head

Or the voice in my head, I hear it

But you don’t

It would be so incredibly noisy if the outside heard the inside

I tried slamming up against the glass dome that keeps us trapped

Oh, I’m sorry,

Government propaganda

That keeps us safe and happy

And healthy

Definitely

Healthy

Impenetrable if you know what I mean

I don’t, anymore, reader

When staring into space

And I mean space

Between the stars

Out beyond sight

Sometimes you see a flicker out of the corner of your eye

No I see a flicker out of my eye

Sorry I got stuck in space for a second

There is no me there

I wonder if they are stars

I never would have seen

But for one coincidence of time space and circumstance

Or if my eyes are playing tricks on me

Or if the light from another star just so happened to hit my retina in such a way that it reflected within my eye creating a glare or actually bleaching that retina which is what causes fuzzy visions when lights are suddenly turned on

Which is cool

Except this was poetry and not a science lesson

But also if the birds to your birds aren’t the stars to my stars

We probably have entirely nothing in common