Elucidating Questions

Kay so it’s midnight

Midnight midnight they are breathing

And the terror grips suddenly all at once like a

If I die it all goes away

All what

All this

All everything

What if it ends with nothing

And the grip of fear that slips in suddenly I’m afraid

Where did you come from?

Where have you been?

Fear of death

Not you dear you’re a metaphor and a planet

Sobering sobering

Just breathe you’re not dying now

For fuck’s sake

Crying because is this really all my life will be?

One life you get

To remember

I wish I knew why I think he hates me

I wish I knew how he felt and why

I can’t understand this

How can such contradictory beings exist in one shell

Sunday I was in love*

*again

But it wasn’t the sweet pure love of before where everything could happen

So I don’t know what it is

Did you think I couldn’t hear you

It’s always about her

I remember so fucking clearly

The moment I felt like you let go

And what the reason was

But it doesn’t amount to anything

Any of it just silence in the ruins of a land gone before time could try it

Gone before a darkness that settles over it

Chasing my tail

I wish I could just

Sleep until it got better

Hey it’s just so hard to not hear how everyone hates you every day when your only companion tells you so over and over

Again

Naming the demons and the diseases doesn’t change the fact that the terrible things that get thrown have become the things thrown at me by the terrible

Sharp objects in the form of words

It doesn’t even matter if I’m not a liar if I am trying my best if I’m trying to be as good as I can be

My biggest support

Is the one throwing tomatoes from the stands because there is no support

Just the face underneath my skin

The one that laughs every time I believe anything

Or feel anything

I can never be sure because this unreal coincidence stuff just exists in parallel to the thoughts that wander

Filling the halls with rasping gasping breath

One more one last try

Straight from a seven to a nine.

I wish I could call you valentine.

I wish I wasn’t alone tonight.

Remember in the cold night that it was just a dream and the chilled waking doesn’t mean anything but the start of another day

Remember in the quiet night that it took twenty years for

I’m waiting for someone special

To become

I guess not

And as far as that’s concerned

My mind playing tricks on the line again

Because I’m not the only one

Keeps coming back and I’ve been hacked

By society

To think that I can’t just move on from something because that makes it less important but

There’s a realist who knows that there’s just no way

I’m not good enough for him

That’s why I know I’m not good enough for you

Swinging misses out of my league

But remember in the creaking cold quiet

That it’s been a year now.

It seems I can get away with it

But I wish I wouldn’t

It’s so quiet

I almost wish I missed the noise

But the ringing in my ears

Is far preferable

I still wish you were here

That you’d open up just a little bit

That I could properly apologise

That I

I don’t want to ruin it

I never did.

You

I still love you

I love you

I didn’t expect

Who do you

To find me twice in one day from two places

I

I already answered in retrospect

I still love you

I love you

Fuck

I still love your hair and your voice and the way

I’ve been deep in this

Sends shivers up my spine and I still love your way of moving and

Why?

How far must I go to understand

But I do

Love

You

And I’ve come full circle

Under the breath of the moon hanging in the sky

Isn’t it tonight?

Tonight?

At least it’s something

Invisible shadow cast by the Moon

Well it can’t be ruined

It’ll happen

Something I can count on

This one isn’t quite how I remember it

Clearest skies I don’t have a park to draw a circle in

When the eclipse shines over the centre

I still love him

What am I thinking?

How the hell did this get here?

Take what I want and go but I’m sorry for showing up here again

I know I don’t belong

I know you don’t want me here

But here I am

One

Happy birthday

He almost said

Mercury stop fucking with the communication

If I died would that really be so bad?

I swear you don’t go there.

Wherein the answers never came and the eclipse is back again there are no better places

But she promises something beautiful

When the sun takes over

Jerk

Who says

What days were supposed to happen

One mistake ruins everything every time

So there’s no answer under the moonlight

But may the words be undone by the silence

No vows strong enough for the worst

And I still love him

What a fool what a fool

I can’t take myself seriously like this how could I possibly

But I do

But I won’t

Because treading through gardens I don’t belong in long took the joy out of it

Far better a screen than the one I’m looking at.

Still waiting for a call from anyone

Still don’t know why.

I still love you

One year later

Don’t echo it don’t

Echo

Echo

Echo

Echo Echo

still

I still love

I still

Love

Love

I still

Love you

And

No

One

The same

As I love you

I love you

Fuck

FUCK

I still love you

Blue flame of my

heart

How am I to let go

When I wake up and need you

When there’s no other sound I can handle

When I’m hiding from everything

When it’s all too heavy and I don’t know where to go

Can’t let go when I need you here

When I know that if I’m by myself

The mind will torture me until I’m drowning again

If I can sink beneath the words into the

Symphonic sounds of the music

Just because it hurts

I wish I could hear the sound of his voice without the bite

Where am I to go from here?

18 songs left and I keep going back to your door

And taking them all back again

There’s this high-pitched something that makes it painful to listen to

But it seems to block out the sun

Who just gets too

Too much

No you don’t
That’s the joke

But it helps

Why?

Where am I supposed to go from here when the only safe place is somewhere I can’t go?