Elucidating Questions

Do you remember when I told you I’d love you no matter what?

Do you remember anything?

Or were you too high on drugs.

But I miss your way of being

But I don’t miss the mess

But I miss when it felt like we were working

And cuddling on the couch

I miss you

Why do I miss you?

I wish I could speak the words I want to at you and meet the person who used to listen when I spoke

I miss you hearing me

I don’t miss you hurting me

Why do I miss you?

You who never understood boundaries or personal items

Or how to keep a room clean for more than five minutes

You used to talk to my piggies

But you showed no respect for me or them

I’m sorry for myself

Sorry I miss you

I miss you

And I’ll love you no matter what.

Why do bad guys always win?

Bruised and battered you continue

You continue but

They always win

You remember children’s stories about good people

You remember all these stories where the good guys win

But you look

And look

And look

And the bad guys

They win every time

Thoughts fleeting

Flitting about

Stop saying it’s going to be okay

Because I know it will

But for now

It doesn’t stay to say its name or state its cause

Just torments quietly before it’s thought

Just lost in thought

Wish I could pull out of it

It’s anxious thinking

Think think think

I’ve had enough

Five little lives keeping my life

But the thoughts torment

Torment

So, who do I talk to?

What do I say?

Who actually wants to hear it?

Five hundred more poems no one will read?

Yeah.

Because they always say talk to someone but they never say who someone is.

I’m sorry. You’re not no one. I’m sure you’re a perfectly pleasant someone.

But you’re no one who can help me.

I put up the front like I feel the winner

When in my mind all I hear is that I

That’s last place

Gotta just go on getting the start wrong

What makes it better?

Besides the crippling anxiety

The loss of employment

No possible immediate remedy for financial ruin

Dragging five life forms with me

Why does my mouth sew things I can’t hold up

Just going until I’m in a complete nothingness

Did this one to myself

Now who’s left?

Come with me

Why don’t we live nowhere?

Where everything will be quiet

And the sounds will be wild

Let’s go live nowhere

Where the trees are older than everything

And the creatures haven’t seen something like you or me

Let’s forget the city and the lights

Let’s go live nowhere

With a few sheep

And a couple horses

Nowhere