Elucidating Questions

What did I do?

I said I did it I didn’t say it was good

I said I did it I didn’t say it was good

What’s good?

Bees are good

Hardly a bee

Though it stings more than once in too many places to name

Such secret whispers into nothing

What happens when eyes pour over and suddenly

See it?

Christ.

We open our mouths in quiet ways

Only in word are we alive

Like a tiny locked room in my heart

You can’t come out, but I can come find you

Empty in the darkness until the light shines through

But wasn’t it lovely?

Don’t you wish for more?

Unsightly sights in a mind tricked into longing

However long the long nights of wanting

The door is locked

The key is still in my hand

I wished for you

There was a shooting star

So I wished for you

But you’re still not here

Is this thing on?

I said I wish you were here

In that moment of seeing the end of a journey

How many thousands of years?

Lights

Goodbye

I wish

You were here

And I wish you could find me

I can’t stop it,

This impending doom,

This end for millions.

I can kick and scream and struggle but in the end

They’ll die

And in vain they will perish,

Emptied from the Earth in all unceremonious endings

She won’t shed a tear or say goodbye

She’ll go back to her chemistry station and work up something else

But I will miss them

The wanderers

The children

The lives

They will be ended

And I’m powerless

I don’t want you to pity me, when I tell you I miss him

I don’t want you to look at me with that twisted

How could you

Like I’ve done something wrong

I know I’ve done something wrong in missing him

I…still miss him though, don’t I?

And yes he did and yes he would and no I don’t actually want him anywhere near me

Don’t you look at me like my twin’s head finally sprung from my body

Know what I’m missing

Know what I wish I still had

Know what is gone from my life

And that I really like spicy food

Don’t judge me for missing him

Know that something I had is gone

Know I don’t even know what it was

Know I don’t want to go back again and again I just

Miss him

Do you remember when I told you I’d love you no matter what?

Do you remember anything?

Or were you too high on drugs.

But I miss your way of being

But I don’t miss the mess

But I miss when it felt like we were working

And cuddling on the couch

I miss you

Why do I miss you?

I wish I could speak the words I want to at you and meet the person who used to listen when I spoke

I miss you hearing me

I don’t miss you hurting me

Why do I miss you?

You who never understood boundaries or personal items

Or how to keep a room clean for more than five minutes

You used to talk to my piggies

But you showed no respect for me or them

I’m sorry for myself

Sorry I miss you

I miss you

And I’ll love you no matter what.