Elucidating Questions

I can’t stop it,

This impending doom,

This end for millions.

I can kick and scream and struggle but in the end

They’ll die

And in vain they will perish,

Emptied from the Earth in all unceremonious endings

She won’t shed a tear or say goodbye

She’ll go back to her chemistry station and work up something else

But I will miss them

The wanderers

The children

The lives

They will be ended

And I’m powerless

I don’t want you to pity me, when I tell you I miss him

I don’t want you to look at me with that twisted

How could you

Like I’ve done something wrong

I know I’ve done something wrong in missing him

I…still miss him though, don’t I?

And yes he did and yes he would and no I don’t actually want him anywhere near me

Don’t you look at me like my twin’s head finally sprung from my body

Know what I’m missing

Know what I wish I still had

Know what is gone from my life

And that I really like spicy food

Don’t judge me for missing him

Know that something I had is gone

Know I don’t even know what it was

Know I don’t want to go back again and again I just

Miss him

Do you remember when I told you I’d love you no matter what?

Do you remember anything?

Or were you too high on drugs.

But I miss your way of being

But I don’t miss the mess

But I miss when it felt like we were working

And cuddling on the couch

I miss you

Why do I miss you?

I wish I could speak the words I want to at you and meet the person who used to listen when I spoke

I miss you hearing me

I don’t miss you hurting me

Why do I miss you?

You who never understood boundaries or personal items

Or how to keep a room clean for more than five minutes

You used to talk to my piggies

But you showed no respect for me or them

I’m sorry for myself

Sorry I miss you

I miss you

And I’ll love you no matter what.

Why do bad guys always win?

Bruised and battered you continue

You continue but

They always win

You remember children’s stories about good people

You remember all these stories where the good guys win

But you look

And look

And look

And the bad guys

They win every time

Thoughts fleeting

Flitting about

Stop saying it’s going to be okay

Because I know it will

But for now

It doesn’t stay to say its name or state its cause

Just torments quietly before it’s thought

Just lost in thought

Wish I could pull out of it

It’s anxious thinking

Think think think

I’ve had enough

Five little lives keeping my life

But the thoughts torment

Torment

So, who do I talk to?

What do I say?

Who actually wants to hear it?

Five hundred more poems no one will read?

Yeah.

Because they always say talk to someone but they never say who someone is.

I’m sorry. You’re not no one. I’m sure you’re a perfectly pleasant someone.

But you’re no one who can help me.

I put up the front like I feel the winner

When in my mind all I hear is that I

That’s last place

Gotta just go on getting the start wrong

What makes it better?

Besides the crippling anxiety

The loss of employment

No possible immediate remedy for financial ruin

Dragging five life forms with me

Why does my mouth sew things I can’t hold up

Just going until I’m in a complete nothingness

Did this one to myself

Now who’s left?