Elucidating Questions

I have no faith in humanity

It took almost 2000 years for women to be considered equal

I said considered, not actually equal

I see all these people speaking out against this power hungry monster

Side note: Putin deserves to die

I see them rushing to the aid of others

And yet history tells me this is a fruitless effort

The bad guys always win somehow

History is a story of bad people getting whatever they want and good people being fucked over and fucked over and over and over again

Hitler was one of the few bad people in history to be defeated and he defeated himself

Good people don’t win wars, they fight them.

They fight them and die by the thousands while the rich and whomever is running the show sits safety at home

I see good people, but they don’t shout louder than the bad people

Good people get assassinated

Good people get burned alive

Good people get thrown into concentration camps and gassed to death

It’s a nice gesture

I say to the Russian burning her passport and renouncing her citizenship

I say to the local doctor who is leaving tomorrow to help on the front lines

They’ll probably both be death when Putin starts dropping nukes on our heads

How I wish it was if and not when

Individual humans do good things

I don’t have faith in the rest

And I expect nothing but a fantastic flame out into nothing

It’s a big difference

It used to be

I want to die

And now it is

Why don’t you just die?

So it’s not so internal and I’m not longer blaming myself for bad situations

I don’t feel the want to escape to nothing

Rather I’d like whomever is the actual problem to cease their own existence

So it’s progress

Probably better to not wish someone be dead

But at least it’s not me anymore.

I mean, really, better you than me.

I chewed my thumb until it bled from the anxiety

My first reaction is still the same old

But the second one comes with fire.

It’s all slowly sinking in

In free fall for a month or two

Hanging by my teeth

It could finally get better now

I could feel like a person again

Less like a walking talking customer service robot

That only goes home to sleep

This cautious optimism that I’ve found is new

This unknown possibility of being okay

I wonder if this is how lucky people feel all the time

I was so ready for a fight that my mind is still in high gear, ready to problem solve

Ready to jump through the many hoops of bureaucracy to get to the funding I should be entitled to

After all I am broken

But this time I didn’t have to fight

How strange to not have to fight

It just…went exactly the way you want these things to work

What?

My mind can’t handle this

Went well?

Holy high hell

The last time we tried to change our life for the better we crashed and burned so hard

2000 poems later

But this time

This time I must have done something right

That’s how it goes right?

If you do something right, good things happen?

Well that’s the way everyone else seems to do it

Maybe I did it right this time

The world is so beautiful until humans rear their ugly heads and get involved

Though I’m proud to say I live in an era where the people stand up and say no

To the sad little man and his army

I wish they’d just go home

All those people suffering

And dying for no reason

It doesn’t matter what some rich bastard says, there is no reason

If only there was something I could do to stop this

Something, anything, that I could do to make it end

But I’m just the invisible poet

And you cannot in an empty room make a stand

It’s stuck in my head

They all get stuck in my head

But I don’t want to listen to this one,

It’s the same old Good to you, one love

Song that’s been sung a thousand times

By you and everyone else it seems

I want a new sound

A new song that excites me

It can’t be possible that all they can do is sing the same songs over and over again

I miss that feeling of hearing a new song

Something new

Scared, scared, scared

I don’t want to die, I don’t want mother Earth to die, I don’t want all this beauty to die

But how do you reason with a madman that has all the guns?

I’m scared, it’s in my bones, they’re tense like they want to do something

I’m clenching my teeth and then realising and then forgetting and then clenching my teeth again

Why is one of the worst people on the planet the safest person on the planet?

I don’t want them to hurt her

My beautiful blue jewel

Please don’t hurt her

Why can’t you see how beautiful and rare and magnificent she is?

Don’t mar her surface with bombs

Does he crave the end?

His threats make it seem so

That type of person should not be in charge of anything

He isn’t scary, his capabilities and capacity for terrible things are.

Dare I ask for a super hero?

Just someone to come and make it all better?

I knew war was coming.

Plague, I saw it, war I saw it, this all just sounds like

I was crazy as a beast, nutty as a goat, and psychic as a seer.

Fuck.