Elucidating Questions

Here is what just happened, dear West Coast people,

We just witnessed an epic battle,

Fall and Summer were fighting it out before us

One day Fall, one day Summer, some days a strange mixture of the two

But Fall didn’t see Winter creeping up, oh no

I did, did anyone else?

But I didn’t sense the final blow

Then Fall, finally victorious threw the most brilliant November Storm

But what is to be said of a warrior who has just fought an epic battle,

And then threw an epic party?

Well,

Exhausted,

Hungover

And Lady Winter merely walked in

And here we are,

Now it’s winter.

Maybe I’ve been alone for so long I’m no longer human

I used to call it solitary confinement

Only meeting humans with scripts

Only meeting humans with small nothing talk

Days spent alone without ever seeing another person

Maybe it changed my brain

Maybe I’m not like them anymore

Maybe that’s why I can’t relate to any of them anymore

My only human interaction today was being berated on Facebook

I crave human interaction but it’s almost always me being berated on Facebook

Is that all human interaction is?

Did I get confused somewhere?

Maybe I was wrong to want something gentle and kind

Maybe there is no such thing as community, communication, togetherness

I wish I hadn’t been born like this

Trapped in a house all day long, too sick to do anything

I wish I’d been born like one of those people who climbs mountains and goes on trips around the globe to climb mountains

Would it be beneath me to beg the universe for something

Always I have considered her Athena, minus the physical battlefield

More the mental one

Always so composed and in the moments she’s giddy it’s like watching a child

Such joy it brings

I’ve always admired her

Always knew there was more going on than she ever let up

Still I’m left wondering in our relationship hobbit journey of there and away from eachother and back again

Why we ever left

Funny how orbits work

Saturn and Jupiter came together again just as we did

It is such an unfamiliar feeling

Speaking and being understood

Understood versus understood

We’re missing a level of understood in our language

I just hope the world for her

One of those few that actually deserve it

So few

She’s quite divine

The feeling of coming home whenever you’re interacting

Hestia and Athena mixed together

Who knows maybe they had fun relations and just drew her from the clay

I want to know how to treasure a person so I can show her what she deserves

I wonder if I could say anything to make her day brighten

I want to be that person for her

I’m within four walls, a roof

The wind is howling, the rain is falling loudly snapping back to earth

The lights are flickering

My only concern is whether the power goes off

Somewhere out there right now someone is outside in this with no option for where to go

I wish I could bring that person warmth

A hearth

Those someones out there

I’d be angry if I was caught out in this

I’d be crazy if I was locked out in this

I’d want anything for comfort, anything

How can I blame those people for being absolutely crazy

I just don’t know

I just can’t do it

That could be me

Definitely rushing

Definitely trying to will the mind not to rush

The bewilderment sets in

I’ve read over it and I don’t believe I was antagonistic.

I wonder what I was supposed to do

Advocate for harming them?

Just bring a knife, stab someone, their life doesn’t matter they’re on the bottom with no friends!

Just like me

Set them on fire, who cares! They’re junkies!

Just like me

I’m sorry that I look at them and all I see is suffering poor people

Just like me

All I see is people who are about to be me and I do not know what I would become in a world where winter is coming and the only happiness is the hit and I am living desperation

Lovely lady who doesn’t deserve to be homeless is begging on Facebook for a place to stay because she can’t afford it

I can’t afford it my landlord is kind

Do you not understand that I could be one of them

Just one misstep

No the solution I gave you was not immediate, but it is the only solution

I wish it was immediate

Yelling into the ether

The cat wants to know why I’m reaching after someone who went so easily

I don’t know

Is this how it feels to lose someone now?

Slightly down and mostly hollow

Why is everything so heavy?

I wish you were still here I would listen to your new music that doesn’t exist because you’re gone

I am holding on to so much more than I can carry

But once again I know I’m here standing alone in a room of people who don’t quite get me

Why don’t they get me?

I wish someone got me

It feels so empty

Like someone reached in and grabbed the love I once again wasted on another person

Is love wasted

It feels that way sometimes, I wonder

All love withdrawn over something so menial

Again

Truth be told I’m in a room of people who don’t get me that I don’t get either

Nothing

I hate this

I really didn’t need this right now