Elucidating Questions

I get stuck on

He’ll never scar you like I do

What a scar he left though

He

Who tried to silence me forcefully from this world

If only you knew you knew

If only we could start again from

Here’s my number

So call me maybe

I thought it was a brilliant idea

Let’s never mind that my brilliant ideas are often garbage

Time, I could use better timing

Could you please just give me a bit of timing

Throw it in, say the wish

And then run like hell in the opposite direction

For fear of what it is is what made it impossible

That and a beautiful blue light

Silent in his defense

I wonder what happens now?

When the scars are laid

On rows and lines

I wonder what you left behind?

Hey you, what’s it like being a straight, cis, white, man?

And able bodied

You lucky duck you

Living those dreams that are attainable because of things you can’t even control

Isn’t it gross?

Whenever I notice my privilege

What I have

I always feel dirty

Immediately want to head to water and beg for forgiveness

How do you do it?

Are you oblivious or does it bother you?

I love you but sometimes

Sometimes I wish I got to be you instead

Wouldn’t it be nice to live

You’re leagues above me

Your rock isn’t as big as mine

I definitely feel like I worked about 24 hours more than I did

This body of mine

I feel sorry for it because I can’t give it what it wants

If only I could afford to stop working

It’s so complicated isn’t it?

I mean it isn’t

Tax that person making over 1 million dollars for 20% (yeah I said it)

Disperse

Look, with no respect whatsoever

If I can survive on $1700 a month give or take $200

With just barely anything

You will never convince me that living costs more than $300,000 a year

And I’m being generous.

So many of your so called costs are fictitious

It’s just hard to see from here I suppose

Not even at the bottom just struggling along up this hill with this damn rock called society

This dual problem of being unable to work but forced to do so by circumstances

Grew up with this sick idea that disabled people were taken care of in this society

Just look they have aides and special classes

Don’t even get me started on the realities of those two so called supports.

There’s got to be a better society out there

Probably lost to the wars of time

I’m tired but I don’t know how much is my disease

How much is my exhaustion with this place

Dear whomever put us here

We were born into paradise and let them build hell on top of it

I don’t know why.

I got on the bus today and this man was there

He became physically angry about my outfit

I think he thought I was a trans woman

Good, you insufferable dirt creature.

He was gesturing like he wanted to hit me

Like I said physically angry

He either said he wanted to murder me or for someone to murder him

Either way

Over my outfit and the possibility that I’m trans

I am trans I just get misidentified as a trans woman and it’s a laugh

I felt incredibly unsafe

And bewildered

Over my outfit? You want to hit me?

He mumbled that I was dressed like I was 8

You may recall that being the fucking goal

Good. I want to look like a child dressed me

They have better fashion sense than any grown adult does that’s for fucking sure

I came away with this odd sense of validation and terror

My gender fuckery made the dirt creature think I am a trans woman (a compliment by the fucking way) and you think I’m dressed like a child

Like mission fucking accomplished but he also wanted to kill me

I’m pretty damn sure he wanted to kill me

Can I say I’m scared now?

This world is scaring me.

Moon mama to the rescue

Beltane, full moon

Sorry you can’t see me here have a job

Well I’ll take it

Cloudy skies, no moon in my eyes just grey

But it’s still a good day

We’d love to hire you, my assistant manager said she loved you

Me?

Thanks moon

Mom

Everyone knows we have two moms and a dad right?

Sun dad out there shooting planet dust everywhere that gave birth to us

Moon mama once Earth mama’s twin sister

Keeping us safe

It’s always amazing to me how the planets and moon and sun align at the same time as the things that happen in my life

Not quite astrology, not quite magic.

It felt like a breath I’d been holding rushed out of me at speeds never recorded

No wonder I couldn’t breathe

Well thanks moon, mom, moom

Sorry I’ll stop

The little coincidences

Did you do it?

It comes to mind when I’m listening

Wondering if I am committing some sin by finding safety in the notes

Did you do it?

Are you that broken?

You really did build that castle to watch it burn eh?

If you did do it, is there coming back?

I wonder how you can?

Wouldn’t it be good to know

Hoot hoot

Still thinking of you