Elucidating Questions

At least you seem 元気

It’s so hard to tell from a reel

So many people pretending to be happy for the sake of the internet

Smiling for photos but inside they’re in pieces

See, when you’re doing well, you seem to be more active

My opposite

It’s always so nice to hear your voice

It’s always so nice to see your face

Au naturale

Or something

It would be nice to know what’s happening behind those gorgeous blue eyes

I never know whether my greatest fantasy is knowing you or not needing money

Ah poverty

But a good song can fix it for a moment

Oh to get lost for a moment in a new song

I’m currently listening to a song I have heard since I was 7 or 8. Discovered by accident one day on limewire.

It’s Japanese and I didn’t understand it then

And now I do

Life is strange isn’t it?

There are so many lines in Japanese songs that don’t translate

But now I don’t need to

I wish it could be that way with you

I wish I didn’t need to translate through social media masks

Well,

I’ll be here as usual

I missed your beautiful face

I just wish I had someone to talk to

That’s what all the people say to do, right?

Talk to someone you know

But I’m nothing but an imposition

A scab that won’t come off

I wish I could talk to somebody about something intellectual

Something that makes my brain wake up

So tired of this half asleep existence

People look like they’re enjoying themselves when they talk to eachother

I wish I could talk to someone besides this website

Tell them I’m really struggling and I just need some help

Tell them my dreams are filled with people and my days are spent alone

I used to be afraid that I would be alone forever

If I had known I would spend the next five years alone

I would have killed myself

But now I’m just resigned

This is my life

I am alone

I need like a telegram thingy

Not that I can use it

Just to use it to pi pi pi you whenever I think of you

And you could pi pi pi back to tell me you’re okay

Do you know how much value you have as a human being?

Do you know the sun watches you?

Light is music

I wish I could hear it

Maybe we can on a subliminal level and it inspired our music

You create music like a great composer

Your notes lead to a high of unheard of levels

If you burn out, even if you burn out

You still wrote masterpieces

I don’t believe in human qualifications for what has worth and what doesn’t

According to humans fictitious numbers mean more than lives

They clearly aren’t qualified to determine value

You are the man you were meant to be

I don’t know what I am

But I swear you’re doing just fine

Sometimes I’m tempted to message back scammers

Just to see if they’d reply

Just to have someone to talk to for a minute

I’m always a drain on people

I never manage to be something people need

I think constantly about what it would be like to have a conversation

But I always imagine fights

My poor brain doesn’t imagine comforting situations anymore

I wish I could go back to when I had friends

But I don’t think I want the friends I had

What if I had new people to talk to?

Except I’m just a bit crazy and it’s obvious and people hate that

I wish I could talk to someone who wants to talk back

What would the world be like if you were still here?

How many kittens have died because you weren’t there to save them?

Did you welcome them on the other side of the bridge?

Your family is still broken up

I’m still broken up and I never even knew you

I wonder how Chester’s kids are doing?

Without him

The thing that I don’t get is that both of you were in positions where I assume people told you every day you were loved

Because I’m not the only one who goes around telling strangers I love them

So what possessed you?

I act like knowing what was going

On in their heads would sooth me

When it would just taunt me

It’s suicide awareness day and I

I am aware of so many suicides

I don’t know all of their names anymore but they are tattooed in my soul like my own attempts

To die

For what?

I’m lucky that somewhere something installed this doubt in me

The not knowing how it’s going to be

I wish I could transpose this program to you all

I’m certain it’s the doubt that keeps me alive

Certain that something meets me on the other side

But I am afraid of everything

I am afraid of this universe that seems to favour cruelty

So afraid that I will live, in fear of what comes next.

2500

Boom that’s a number

I wonder if I’m in the top ranking for number of letters wasted on mediocre poetry?

I wasted my one chance (like I had a chance)

Ah, well, chances never stick on me

I wish I could 直接届く

You know?

ピピピ

Ah the sun is setting,

Let’s dedicate the 2500th to the Sun

To the freaking thing that gave us life

Thanks mate

Real solid

I don’t think that’s sarcasm yet but that might change

Down you go old man, young man,

My guiding light

Here’s to you and to Mum who we also would not be here without

No, in fact, we would be somewhere completely different if we weren’t on Earth

To Arcturus my bear

Saturn is around here somewhere

I shall have a very short party of one

It’s all been very, very, strange

I don’t know what to make of half of it, but I wrote it so there’s that

2500 and I’m no closer to my goal than I was

Ah, life