Elucidating Questions

2500

Boom that’s a number

I wonder if I’m in the top ranking for number of letters wasted on mediocre poetry?

I wasted my one chance (like I had a chance)

Ah, well, chances never stick on me

I wish I could 直接届く

You know?

ピピピ

Ah the sun is setting,

Let’s dedicate the 2500th to the Sun

To the freaking thing that gave us life

Thanks mate

Real solid

I don’t think that’s sarcasm yet but that might change

Down you go old man, young man,

My guiding light

Here’s to you and to Mum who we also would not be here without

No, in fact, we would be somewhere completely different if we weren’t on Earth

To Arcturus my bear

Saturn is around here somewhere

I shall have a very short party of one

It’s all been very, very, strange

I don’t know what to make of half of it, but I wrote it so there’s that

2500 and I’m no closer to my goal than I was

Ah, life

Today I had a strange kind of energy

Despite not being able to sleep I found myself half an hour away from the end of my shift

And not dropping from exhaustion

Maybe those nasty little pretenders give me energy

Who knows

He’d have to be smarter than that to get me though

I wonder if we’ll ever meet face to face

The thought that I could gives me some hope

As hopeless as hope is

I wonder if you’re actually okay

It would be nice to know

It would be nice to know many things

Ah what a weird life

His car went by and I went back to the first

I remember the wolf. Do you remember the wolf?

Almost entirely alone these days

Me, by myself

Back then he came in and came in and went out

Back then I was torn between a wolf and a flame

Thought I had the right to be

Ah audacious me

I have been younger at older than younger

Younger me thought they had to be an adult

Older me broke magnificently into thousands of tiny regressed pieces

They say the first stays with you but I have two firsts

The one who has my heart and the one who had my body

He has my heart but doesn’t know it

He’ll never break it because I already pushed every button and he’s still here

But I’ll never know what it’s like to be loved

Still hopelessly engaged to the universe

I wonder if we’ll meet someday

I’d like to

Wouldn’t it be lovely if one of those fake yous was you

They come thinking I’d be lured by the pretense of being contacted by a famous person

Don’t know I’d never believe it because I’m invisible

And I know it

Wouldn’t it be nice to be selected

Without some hidden motive

Sometimes I still day dream conversations between the friends we are not

Wouldn’t it be nice if those conversations could happen

But that would be too easy

I’m pretty sure the whole point of this exercise is to show me my place in this world

Which is as an inaffectual nothing person

At least I know my own importance

You’re with me all the time

Like I was going to check and see

Hey is he alive today

Got lost in neurodivergency

And then there you were to remind me to check anyways

Sorry the universe is like

Dooooo it

How poignant

And what a stupidly spelt word

If I was the main character of a Persona game I’d be doing very badly

Very badly

What even is relationships with humans my best friend is the sun

Anyways

Be well human

All the chains of what we have and don’t have off I just want you to be 元気

It really doesn’t translate

Maybe some day I’ll dedicate time to explaining 元気

Gen as in beginning, ki as in spirit or air

It’s a beautiful word

元気でね

I wonder what comes after us

It’s not fair that all I see is a snapshot of the life of our solar system

Where they all go at the end

I want to see it from beginning to end

I want to see how it traversed the galaxy, see how she lives afterwards

I wish I could know where life lies and seek it and watch it

Content though I am to observe the Earth

And grateful for the privilege

But even just our galaxy,

Has so much potential for the ridiculousness that is life

Scientists have a very specific understanding of how life is born

And I think they are woefully misguided

I believe life can exist in the most extreme circumstances

Pop up in places we humans would never dream to go

I do not believe that life requires oxygen

I believe the secret to life hides in water,

But that not all life requires it

It could be anywhere

When was it born?

Could I go back to that beginning or did life spring up in the very second of the expansion?

Or whatever it is that our universe started from

Oh to be an observer of this universe

This beautiful ridiculous universe

It really doesn’t make sense unless someone put it here but who put the someone?

And here, on a comparatively small little rock, wonders occur

Being alive is such a strange thing

What am I?

I wonder what kind I am

I’m sure I can’t see it

But everyone else seems to be a version of someone else

Like people who have the same energy

People who vibe

I never found anyone who feels the same as me

I know I’m not unique

I can’t be

Human beings are at once special and similar

I feel I must have been raised in the wrong place

The wrong culture

But I haven’t found one where I fit

Forever the hangnail of the group

Kind of there and kind of annoying

Until one day you get mad and cut it off

I used to live my life changing colours as I went

Forever trying to be the thing everyone else needed

But no one has ever really needed me

And I’m not about to bring a whole human being into the world to need me for the rest of its life

Not into this world

Where my would be children would suffer at the hands of three generations of destruction.

And really it isn’t right to bring something that needs you into being to feel needed

It would be nice to be needed

To fit somewhere