Elucidating Questions

I’ll tell you what it’s like wanting to be harmless

There was a time I couldn’t walk on grass

Hyper aware of pain that could be caused I stumbled through fields only stepping in dirt

Every time I accidentally kill a spider I mourn it for a moment and lament the loss of life

When I find bugs on me I put them back on the ground

Used to fumble through life without thinking of it

Do you count the number of animals that had to die for your dinner?

Think of their suffering at the hands of us

Born destined to live short and cruel lives

I talk to my house as if concerned it might feel unloved

It’s so hard to exist in this world

I think of the hands that made my clothing

My phone

So many suffering beings on one planet

If we were supposed to do something, it was exist within nature and with kindness to wildlife

But then the Romans happened.

Fuck the Romans.

I wish I could exist without harming anyone

It’s always on my mind

Your total time spent for a few hours.

It makes me wonder if it would take longer to read everything I have or listen to everything you do

So I’ll probably have to write way more to make sure it takes longer to read mine

Because I’m bored and I only compete against people who don’t know they’re competing against me

Or something

I wonder how many hours I’ve spent writing?

Many unwell hours

Ah, madness, what wonders come from it

And what great steps I will take to never go back there again

The difference is you produce masterpieces,

And I produce this

The right people get famous I’m told

Which means the right people make money to be able to produce their thing that made them famous

Or something

I just want to be good at something

That would be nice

It’s this sick cycle

Get paid, pay everything that needs to be paid

Spend the rest on something to just cheer me up please

Eat something other than microwave dinners

God I hate microwave dinners

But I can no longer cook

But that’s a different subject

Spend everything I have and see that I am two days past my pay cheque and I have nothing

Maybe someone helps me

Maybe this is one of those weeks where I didn’t even have enough for everything that needs to be paid and help is not enough

It’s not enough

At least I can afford shelter,

Even if it means I can’t afford food

But I spend the next two weeks unable to meet my needs,

And the money I had left is never enough to help anyways so what’s the point?

People think I should be able to make my situation better but I am trapped

And I don’t know what to do anymore

It’s those last two days before I have probably enough to pay off everything.

I’m so sick of this cycle.

If the Christian god had any sense he’d send Jesus back down as an animal

And no one would know he’d returned

Would he be one of the lucky ones?

Wild? Free?

Would he have a loving home and family?

Or would he be liked the majority of animals on this planet?

Tortured, beaten

Starved and force fed

Pushed and kicked

Hunted

Destroyed?

And then the world would end and all these fools with shit for grins would be left here

If any of that whole thing made any sense

And wasn’t added in post publishment

I just wish there was an ending where the humans got the shit kicked out of them but it didn’t affect any other life form

Maybe the few humans left over would get their collective remaining shit together and figure out how to actually coexist with this planet

Instead of “owning” her and raping her.

Like the very mother who birthed us is some slave to work to death.

Maybe this is all a simulation to see if we’ll destroy the planet

We’re losing

Wow, okay, since apparently this is spam and I’m not allowed to comment it to a grieving cat owner, I’ll post it here

Fuck

Goodbye

For now

We close our eyes and it’s like you’re gone

But you’ll send messages,

From the beyond

To say

I’m fine

Don’t cry

And on to the next

I’ll be in Instagram jail while hundreds of people spam my art account with “pm it to @givemeyourmoneyscam”

What the fuck, man?

I miss the thunderstorms of Touhoku

I miss the simplicity of being able to get wherever I wanted

I don’t know if that would change with my illness now

But I miss the way the clouds rolled in over the hills

Sometimes rain came

Sometimes the skies just grumbled for hours

No doubt the physical representation of how our Earth feels of us

I miss 梅雨 and weeks of rain

I miss 台風

Couldn’t remember how to spell the English word so you get the Japanese deal with it

I miss spring and how everything was pink and delicate

I miss Japan

The place

I don’t know if I miss the country

God I wish I could go home

See 岩手山 standing ominously off in the distance

I miss you other side of the Earth

It’s so crazy that I could be right here and yet somewhere completely different

I’m near in comparison to literally anything else in space

Earth you’re fantastic

That I could miss somewhere so completely

I never missed here

I don’t know why I feel attached to some place I’ve only lived 10 months out of my 32 almost 33 years

I wish to see the other side of the Pacific ocean again

It’s a pipe dream at this point