Elucidating Questions

I wish I didn’t feel that

Dismissive of any problem of anyone sure in their status

Probably rich people still have problems

I can’t see them from here where I don’t have enough food

But, like,

What storm?

Your eternal love struggle storm?

I don’t think someone like you could understand what a real storm is

I don’t think you could know real madness

I don’t think you could know being unknown

You can’t know

What you’re experiencing is life, which has its shittyness

I don’t believe you’ve experienced anything like the storm that is my life in so long

I find myself saying

I’ll take your clothes, cash, cars, and homes

Just stop complaining

Ah, well, I’ll try not to get too

Cynical about the whole thing

Don’t mind me

You’re having the fun I wish I was having again

It’s hard to see

Everything is hard to see

When I was really sick

I thought I was writing the new Bible

Some competition I thought up between myself and the past

I can do better

I can do better

But, really, the only thing I preach is decentness to everything be it plant, animal, planet, sun, space

Maybe some extra love to throw in

And wouldn’t it be terrifying if I was some Paul?

Yikes, brother did not know when to shut his dang mouth

Also brothers didn’t know how to translate

Like dang try translating half this esoteric garbage

Note, most of it does translate into Japanese for reasons beyond my control

Oops I’m bilingual and cognitively the contents of a trash can and now speak sudolanguage

A sublanguage

Probably people can’t understand me anyways

It’s good to not be sick

But sick me is definitely more ambitious

Write Bible 2

Marry a famous person

Become prolific author

So ambitious

I wish just a bit that some of the work had paid off in some way

Though I’m fine to be the only one believing the things I do

It just really put me in my place for nothing to happen at all

My no where and nothi

Never tell the Sun I’m in love with the night sky

This dance of three

The day, the night, and me

That once the inbetween twilight is gone I am taken

Mr. Brightside and The Boy

Searching the sky for my planets

La Luna won’t be out tonight

Or she will, just past my time

I miss the starry sky in the summer when it doesn’t come out until I’m asleep

But I miss the Sun in winter when the nights are long

They keep me entertained until the day comes back

It’s this ever the same, ever changing, relationship

Day and night

Just like between the Sun, Moon, and Earth I could not choose

I cannot choose between night and day

I like having problems that don’t matter

Such as this

Pointless problems

I have so many actual problems without solutions

The sky tinged orange with the goodbye of the Sun

And immediately I look for Saturn.

Fickle heart

Mesmerized by light

What would I do without the slight crazy I carry with me?

If I didn’t think the sun a friend I would feel alone

If I wasn’t connected to the moon and the planets I’d have such an empty existence

I couldn’t live without them

Which is why it’s them, you see

What’s more permanent than a planet?

The Moon?

The literal Sun?

To me anyways

Without them to make forever palatable I would cringe at songs claiming it

Humans don’t know the meaning of forever

Human forever seems to have an expiry around 7 years

It always runs out eventually

See I could tell my guinea pigs I’d be here forever because, I will be, in their life

But you never know when I could be proven wrong

So temporary, humans

So very breakable

But then

The unexplainable

The ghost of a dog from my childhood comes up

Maybe less impermanent than I know

It could have been her

And she walked by at that moment

You know how you’re all at once that 16/17 year old who wants their dog back?

Maybe we’re all as permanent and impermanent as everything in this universe

Which it could or couldn’t be

Maybe I’ll find people as permanent as you are Misty

It’s like I’m screaming from my sick bed

Somebody do something!

Except it’s more like I’m screaming it into a void

Constantly faced with my own ineffectuality

So many things that needed to be fixed generations ago

Things ingrained in our society

Like consumption

And poverty

And racism

Our disdain for nature

Our disdain for different

The ongoing genocide of indigenous people

The new kind of genocide against disabled people

Before we just sterilised them against their will,

Now we offer them “compassionate death” instead of a life living with disability in poverty

This sick human obsession with endings lives

Plants, insects, animals, fish, and fungi weren’t enough so they started killing eachother for kicks

When that wasn’t enough they decided to include the actual weather

How fun for them

And I’m stuck watching this happen while simultaneously sliding ever further into poverty

Keeping homelessness at bay

Starving in the process

Fuck

Fuck this world that makes it physically impossible to be disabled and live comfortably if you don’t have a following of fans and already have millions of dollars when it happens

I’m so frustrated

I’m so sick

I just want to be well enough to save the world