Elucidating Questions

I fill my life with heartbreak

People I love, animals I adore, rescues, and sanctuaries, and animal rights activists

Sometimes you see a new rescue and know

And it’s hard to see people fighting so hard

So many deaths, so much pain and suffering

People who leave you wondering why

But I can offer them comfort and support

It’s hard seeing people needing donations and I can’t help

It’s hard being mostly useless

But I’d rather spend my time encouraging these good people

Do what I can

Maybe it’s a lot of heartbreak

But I see a lot of happy animals too

If I had a dollar

But I don’t have a dollar

And even if I did it wouldn’t matter because a dollar is now worthless

And everyone is okay with this

No concern when the 1¢ candies disappeared

Little notice when $1 chocolate bars were suddenly $3

Everyone fine with inflation (which they claim is in the single digits despite things having been half or more the price before)

Fine with my district manager getting a free vacation if we sell enough

People are okay with this

Something is wrong with humanity

Christmas is hell in retail

Suddenly you’re doing thrice the work

Suddenly you’re dealing with thrice the people

Corporate comes up with ways to separate even more people from their money

Record sales,

They boast

I’m sure they’ll see a nice bonus too

What I see is exhaustion

For the same pittance I was offered before

Making the boss three times as much money for the same amount of money

Three times as much exhaustion

Three times as much pain

Three times as much labour for the same pay

They demand it of you

That you give harder

For their sake, not yours

This relationship is unbalanced and I hate it

Who wants to bet the CEO is getting a vacation this winter?

Some people would think this is sick

Breaking my body for someone else’s sake

For nothing

Just to give it all away and have nothing again

Deep under the rising tide of capitalism

Being just another cog in their money grabbing scheme

I feel the exploitation

It’s firmly Fall but there are whispers of Winter breaking through

The way the leaves are pressed into the pavement

That cold burst of wind that blows them to and fro

The way your fingers slightly sting

From that sharpness on the wind

The sharpness that is Winter

Trees are now well empty of this year’s leaves

Asleep and ready for her to flow in

Some places have seen the first snow

Mountains glittering in the distance with fresh snow pack

It’s in this between seasons that I feel the most pain

The most sluggish

I can feel her creeping in in familiar places

My bones being one of them

They think that they can just tear down a church and build an apartment building on top of it

Here sitting with the number one DJ and thinking

They can remove the building but can they remove the ghosts of the souls who were burned there?

They emblazoned their fence with a territory acknowledgement

As if building more houses that indigenous people can’t afford while saying they respect them will erase the deed

On top of a hell house

I don’t know, enjoy your ghosts

Every so called house of “God” sees horrors

You cannot fresh paint that away

Remove the boards and the stucco

The horrors linger regardless

And houses are not build with love

As I said, good luck, you’ll need it

In this culture of build to tear away again

You think the spirits will lie?

Maybe it is

Maybe the pain is a blessing in disguise

Maybe feeling this way, experiencing this life

Learning nothing more than that I wish for a world where no one has to experience this

Not like I am

Who knows?

Maybe I’ll inspire some future civilization to just be decent to eachother

It’s hard to be in it though

I’m not some magical being

Not one with friends and companions anyways

All the main characters in stories have someone to lean on

I’m stuck weathering this storm alone

I figured that must mean I’m not a main character

But I’m the main character in this…

This thing

I wonder if I’m doing it right

I’m doing my best

Really really

I know there are people out there who don’t believe you can be poor and doing your best

Those people are dead wrong

God busing is stressful

If only they all knew

How hard I’m trying