Elucidating Questions

I like playing a game

I hear the n word blasting from a car

I look

If it’s a scrawny white man win a point

I’m on a streak right now

My bus driver is a black man

He’s very friendly

It’s interesting that I played the game and then immediately following my driver is a black man

I have yet to see a black man blasting the n word from a car

I understand that this is probably due to various factors

Various factors that the scrawny white men don’t think about as they cruise the neighborhood with profanity on high volume

It just makes me wonder what they’re getting out of the music

Do they think themselves as equals with the men recorded?

Have they been through even a fraction of the same things?

What’s the point of the game, I wonder?

No one really wins

Scrawny white boys will continue perpetuating stereotypes apparently

A stereotype I made up by observing

So what is the moral of the story I wonder?

It’s not like music needs to be segregated

It’s just that it’s not for them

Probably

I don’t know

It’s just funny on some level

Apparently

A collection of males on skateboards

I am moderately afraid

And they were probably teenagers

But I was still afraid

I wasn’t even part of their world

And yet I felt afraid

It’s a wonder I get out at all

Things are just scary

In this so called developed world

Isn’t it interesting that some people can be terrified in the same place others feel at ease?

Life is like that

There are so many circumstances

Women haven’t given me as much reason to fear them

Not that I’m not afraid, just in other ways

All can be flipped like a dime

Changing or not changing

As if by chance

They confuse me

I saw an accident at this intersection last time I was here

That was interesting to watch too

So many people desperate to be ahead of someone

They really do confound me

Always in a rush to the next miserable thing

Never trying to change the misery to something better

Fleeting moments of joy

This is the most beautiful place in our solar system

This Earth place

Mars had his day

Maybe even Venus

I think we should protect it

Apparently I’m a minority

I’m often a minority

Some of these buses were not made with any mobility device besides wheelchairs in mind and it shows

It really does

I’m often an afterthought

I’m often the last one to know things

Except all this stuff I know that apparently no one else does

Having, but not competing a university education puts you in this strange category where you know things but it doesn’t matter

I often don’t matter

People try to tell me I’m something

But the amount that my life has proven to me that it’s not the case

If anything I’m a burden

I feel so separate from them

The humans

Oh look road destruction

I have pink eyes today

I decided, fork my eye color!

I like them

Happy

Ish

Just decorating my skin suit mostly

There’s not much else to do

Rocking out to the owl like I’m not supposed to and the blue light comes sweeping in like

No seriously take me with you, I start to miss you

The cosmic DJ with his timing

Because life is fucking weird and I don’t like doing it alone

If I could only run in the right direction

And Chopin?

So, what?

Jupiter, the Sun, and Saturn

I certainly miss you Saturn

Jupiter and I have been gazing into the void together

That Chopin wrote this song so I would write this poem to it

Timey wimey bullshit

This queue is kind of epic

Until the limit of my life I’ll sing love to the endless sky

I’m sure I’ve thought things like that

I certainly do have so much love for this fucked up place

And a fucked up place it is

So much chaos and mayhem

Beautiful mayhem

Sometimes

I should just become god

Yup I’m god now

Ah,

I know I am not such a thing

With whatever love I have

I’ll fight until there are no more days for me

I falter and fumble

Like a human

But I am doing my best to be something that will change this world for the better

No matter how many people with billions of times more dollars I have try to use this world as a pawn

Life is so weird

It is a god damn arms race

I have so much music in me

No where for it to go

Thousands of tiny melodies sung into the silence

I’m not saying I’m some hit musician

Just that music lives in me like blood

Like tiny living organisms that feed off the melody

Whatever it is in me that makes melodies

Sing the melody

Which one?

Come and gone like moths

Fluttering in then disappearing into the night

Never to be seen again

I wish these melodies could save the world

That I was slowly humming out some ancient spell that could fix everything

But what?

Vaporise everyone who disagrees with me?

I know life is not that simple

I’d be left alone in the world

Awaken some hidden pacifist gene

And God damn it Relina I hated you and now I’m you except there’s no space boy to save me and I’m not inexplicably rich for no reason

Bloody pacifists

And I fucking am one

C’mon guys can’t we all just get along?

What a question to ask when bombs are flying

Children are dying

If only I could sing them a soft song and they’d realise they’re all just fucking humans

Breakable, stupid, amazing, awful, ingenuous, self obsessed, humans

Why are you killing each other?

What even could I call myself?

I definitely think of magic but I don’t know if I am magic

I’m just something

It feels like I understand things I shouldn’t

Like my head just had too many things inside it

I don’t believe I have the wisdom to be a wizard

But something like it

Half baked wizard of the stars and Earth

It’s cold this morning

Good

It was warm the day before yesterday

What alarming foreshadowing

Though I’d rather be wrong about Summer like I was about winter

I’d rather have not been wrong about winter though

I’m definitely not always right

Wouldn’t it be terrifying if that was the case?

Something

I’m something

I don’t think there is a word for it in this language

There’s not really anything to say today

I’m just a life living

Made some things

It’s nice, that feeling of making something from some nothings

Or taking something and elevating its ability just a bit

Creating is fun

What is not fun is that everyone starts telling you to sell them to people

No

I am not going to seperate desperate people from their money

I will not take part

I will not let this disgusting web of gears crush what is beautiful

Creating is beautiful

Usually

Humans man

But to then use that thing that I have created to take money from people?

I’d rather starve and I will

I tried you know

Tried to make this hall of letters make a name for itself

I am not marketable

Not surprising

I’m hard to digest

I love animals though

I’m really trying my hardest though

I said nothing really and then wrote all that

It’s never nothing really

Sorry Bob Ross I’m staying on my soapbox at all times

This world just could be so much better and

And I get tired of thinking about it so it leaks into the internet