Elucidating Questions

Brain

Brain, I am concerned about you

You saw a goldfish cracker and called it a graham cracker

You forgot the word for the exercise we were going to do and called it “the thing“

I have forgotten my own name

Sometimes I catch you trying to call something the wrong word and stop you

But then you won’t tell me the right word

Forgot the names of good friends

Get lost at random

You make up pains like something is wrong

My body is the boy who cried wolf

How am I supposed to know when something is actually wrong?

You are the antagonist in my life

You are the thing standing in my way

You set our body on fire

But no one knows how to fix you

And I’m so terrified it’ll just get worse

I dreamt of you last night again

Last night did we talk?

Destined to dream

Of something I can’t quite remember

Until I think of tell

Do you though?

Memories? Or stories to keep life interesting?

That depends on who you’re talking to

Which me do you want to talk to?

Do you want your music to feel like genius?

It is

But you can’t have been living the same life

Unless I trapped you in a loop with my fiddling

And that would give me too much credit

You can accept it any time

I’m just here

My dear Sun

Love couldn’t be truer

And yet

Isn’t it just a bottle of potential

Isn’t it just an accessory for him to wear?

I thought I wished you happy ever after

Missing is an idea of what is being missed

As opposed to knowing what it is

I don’t think I’ll ever know what it means to sing a love song for someone tangible

Singing them forever to my beautiful ball of fire instead

I think that’s enough of you

Sing some love to someone who gives some back

Afterall

He shows me these magnificent views

Where you belong

You mean here on Earth with your thousands of screaming fans who love you?

Nevermore to be tricked by a cry for something you already have

You got what you wanted and you aren’t unknown

You but it’s different

You but I’m tired of hearing what you don’t have when you do

Can you even relate to anything but a rich man’s life anymore?

But to maintain the same story as if nothing’s changed

It must be so hard for you to have all your needs met in excess and still cry for more

If anything I’m the answer you were looking for

Maybe nothing else but to tell you it’s getting old

Sing new, sing good

And so on and so forth

Could we meet with eyes open

Aware of the disparity between us

All of your excess

Summoned this song I did

Summoned

You always have my attention

Except when you don’t anymore

Definitely I offered you more

Definitely I offered something different

Damned if you didn’t reject it with grande silence

Well that’s the game I told you I’d sing it back sing it back but

Man

Same story

And you’re still incapable of seeing your own light

And you’re still pining

Pining for things you already have if you’d just get out of your own damn way

Darling

Just had to have one last big hurrah wasting mum and dad’s money

Sometimes that’s how I feel

And then there are other times where I’m just desperate to have her back

If she had lived I could be angry at her

But it’s just moments

Where I want to lash out and blame

Grief

Grief is like being caught in a room full of flying keys to a thousand doors that you swear contain relief behind them

Being torn to shreds by the sharpness of the keys

You try the tiny doors but when they do open

It just feels like there are more keys

More doors

The floor is lurching below your feet

You can barely stand upright

But outside the world is continuing on as normal

No one sees your room of keys and doors

And at once that room must be contained within as life continues and you are forced to continue in this strange doubled vision of keys and rooms and

Everything else being completely normal

Where you must be both searching and at rest

Trying to stay on your feet and walking assuredly one foot in each place

Trying to keep pace with this endless going

Remember when a community member dying meant the community gathered

Why, why, does a person dying cost the family thousands of dollars?

Isn’t that one of the first things the government should take care of?

Body barely cold

Pouring over paperwork and laws and filing this and handling that

Grief so fresh it’s still a taste in their mouths

Better kill them with paperwork

Well we’d make more money that way anyways

Right?

Society so addicted to profit it can’t even wait for a moment while a family grieves

My bereavement pay was $90

That was fun

Lucky I even got $90

But isn’t that sick though?

No?

Insanity

Another point of view, I had always considered the people who would have to go through it

But I went through it and now I’m what?

I’ll feel more pain when I hear of this happening

One more experience to add to the growing pile

Of things that make me hurt more to exist

No need to fret

You fool of fools

Your life is more normal than mine

Oh you precious summer child

Did I not offer you more?

And magic and unknowns and insanity

But damn if you don’t

As usual

Have the voice of an angel?

I feel the want to poke holes in your complaining

Dogs

True love

Casual genius

Oh so normal

And you fit more in this world than I ever will

It’s almost sad you haven’t figured it out yet

But there’s your casual masterpiece I didn’t notice for a while because my sister died

Seriously my life is so much more fucked than yours could ever be

And damn if I don’t fall in love again at the sound of a guitar I know is playing your heart

I’m probably too out of this world for you to ever handle anyways

Enjoy your normal life

Bad people get away with stuff a lot

And I don’t think this Universe is on hard mode

I think humanity created hard mode

And continues to turn up the difficulty

All so a very select few can have a great time all the time

Why can’t we all have a decent time, filled with individual great times in between?

I don’t believe that adage that you need dark to show you the light

Life is not a lightbulb in a room

Or a star in space

Life is already the light, it’s the spectrum of colours that that fill it that makes it up

Every once in a while a new colour shows up

There is no on and off

There is a dampening of the colours

But these shadows and clouds we’ve created in our lives

We could just unimagine this ridiculousness

We should be caring for this light of life, not squashing it out

So many beings that would shine if given the chance

What universes would be created within this wonder of a universe if we could just live decently

And ride life’s own natural highs and lows

Rather than perpetuating hell on Earth