Elucidating Questions

So many times I’ve held my tongue

Only for the swipes of the Cat to set ablaze the wrong person

Corrosive wit

So angry and so wrong about where to put it

You who comes to collect me when I’m strewn to pieces within myself only to wreck everything you come into contact with

Triggered is a word for it

If I had any control

Words so alien I read them back and don’t know how they could have come from me

Words I can’t remember spoken

Truly they are just beyond the surface

But if I reach in too far I become him

I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not

They never have our back

The only person who has my back is me

And the only person who has our back is me

Can’t trust the bunny to have its own back

So what if they meet cruelty for not standing by?

I detest the silence that pervades when things happen and no one is on our side

Even with voices screaming there’s still the silence of unsaid words

A whiff of cowardice

The stench

This will not be a sappy quest for forgiveness when we are never forgiven

You are just as scared as I am

You’re just stupid

Stupid gets us in trouble

I need that on a shirt

Am I not also the coward?

Hiding so many words in my mind that it bursts with a dark side like the Moon

Ablaze when it faces the Sun

Silent elsewise

Not many people get to be the Sun

Exhausting

You are

Being you is

I wonder how many times I held my tongue while other people didn’t?

I wonder how many times I held it so tight that another me came out and left destruction in his wake?

I never know whether I should be held responsible for things I didn’t did say

I was holding him in so well

Rage leaves me shaking

Is it my rage?

I know my eyes are dry from my tears

The last thing I remember is having control wrested from me like a controller in a game again

Where do I go when I don’t have it?

I’m so tired of being awoken by a crash of breath and tears to

Clean up another mess I allegedly made

Who is I, I wonder?

The Sun is setting

One sec gonna play games with the setting Sun

I wonder if I let myself say what I want to say would I still lose myself in rushing rapids and premature ejaculations of anger?

It remember watching someone go down rapids in a tube once and they went around a corner and suddenly the tube was flying through the air

That’s what it’s like it’s like I’m on the tube going through the rapids

And then the tube is on land suddenly and it’s insulting everyone in sight

Or something

What are you?

Why are you here?