Elucidating Questions

Sometimes the scariest part of living is admitting that this is real life

Among the silly thought processes I try not to feed into

The desperate want for things to be easily solvable

As if there’s an on off switch

It can’t be real right?

Whatever my brain cooks up is probably kinder than reality

And every once in a while

To breathe the air I breach the sea of insanity and face it

That this reality is more than I will ever be able to comprehend

That humans are capable of such terrible acts

That things are cruel

Facing that I am terrified of this world every single day

That I can’t handle this reality and I don’t know why

But I also don’t know why other people can handle it

I wonder if my life would be different if I wasn’t disabled

If I’d still have that ability to erase the horrors of humanity

It’s fine when it’s a fantasy but finding out it’s all based on real things just takes the fun out of it

Except it didn’t for so many people

My ability to cause harm makes me want to isolate away from people

Others don’t seem phased by the fact that no matter what they do to be agreeable someone will take offense to them

My neighbours terrify me

I miss having a private backyard

Now dozens of people could be watching at any moment

So uncomfortable

I hate being perceived because it’s dangerous

It makes me nervous

But I love wearing colour and I’m visibly alternative just in a colours way

Having a walker doesn’t help either

People stare all the time

I wish I could live in a forest somewhere

And not die spectacularly

I don’t know why it has to all be so complicated

I want to go to a world where things are simpler than this