Elucidating Questions

I do not go without as much as I used to

Haven’t gone hungry in a while

And it’s nice

And it’s awful

Because I know where I was

Hungry constantly

Bored out of my skull from sitting at home doing nothing

Rent going unpaid

I’m still paying off a rent bank loan from when I lived by myself

And I’m not going to forget that is how society wanted me

Me and millions of others like me

Billions of others worldwide

I’ll never forget that I poured my blood sweat and tears into the customer service industry only for it to turn its back on me when I got sick

I thought Walmart firing me for getting fibromyalgia was the worst thing

They didn’t see us walking out the door of our almost 3 year job in tears because they’d changed the job to something I couldn’t do and asked me to choose

Do you want a job that triggers your heart condition?

Or no job?

Heh

It’s questions like that that make me realise how fucking strong I’ve become even though I’m still sensitive as hell

Tell me, do you want to work your shift with a 140 bpm heart rate? Or do you want to slip further into poverty?

Old Navy should catch fire along with that warehouse that went down a few weeks back

All you had to do was accomodate me

All you had to do was treat me like a human being who is worthy of employment

16 years of customer service

Now I can’t work

Every shift I didn’t walk out of when they wouldn’t let me go home

Every time I didn’t even ask because I didn’t want to cause trouble or harm the team

Every time I didn’t call in

Every time I did but then went in anyway for any amount of time

Every time a 4 hour shift became 8

Every time an 8 hour shift became 12

Every time I went home and slept for days afterwards unable to do anything

The hours I put in

The smiles I faked for terrible people

Called a bitch for not bringing coffee fast enough

Called an idiot for not reading minds

Every sexually forward dick

Every “honey”, “sweetie”, “ma’am”

It meant nothing

That sits with me

That lives in me even after I declare I’ve come to terms with being unemployable

Things are not bad

But they’re not good and I am so uncomfortably aware how many people think I should be working anyways

How I’m supposed to be making $1333 a month

Estimates say that should be 3333

I will never forget that no one cares about that

No matter how comfortable I get I will always know what was acceptable for me, by the will of the people

By the government

By corporations with more personhood than I have

I will die before I let up on letting people know what they are causing for impoverished people on this planet.

Hell would welcome Angels sooner than I will forget what this world has done.

If hell existed. Sometimes I wish it would.

But I would rather wish for a paradise where we all understand as well as the gods what we did upon the Earth

And then see how those of us with the darkest of deeds felt existing among those with clean souls