Elucidating Questions

I want to go back to Wales

But not the capitalised one

Not the one where racism runs rampant

Not the one where I’d be ostracised for being me

I want to go back to Wales before it had a name

When it was wild

I want to live in a tiny little house and just exist and know how to live there by myself

Surrounded by nature

I used to always ask why there were characters in stories that just lived alone in the middle of no where

Did they see society and reject it?

Did they know if they were around people they’d let their guard down and get hurt?

Did they know it’s not worth it trying to find someone to connect with because other people will always ruin it?

Did they recognise the true sin of humanity?

That we have this ability to learn damn near anything and we instead use it to enrich only ourselves?

Knowledge isn’t a sin if you use it generously

But damn if humanity hasn’t tried really hard to prove there is no generosity in knowledge

We just consume

I’m often struck by my consumption

Thinking about how I should be putting back into the world as much as if not more than I take from her

But there is no way to absorb your own destructive nature in this world

Not while corporations use up millions of people’s worth of usage of this Earth

I wonder what the numbers are

They say she can’t support some billion people

How many billions of invisible, non-existent humans, do corporations add to the stress of this world?

How many people are living taking up tens of humans more of consumption?

Can she truly not?

Wouldn’t she let us know?

She lets every other creature know

Endlessly forgiving in not just

The Winds laugh

Such a subtle forgiving

Maybe we are in her image

We just seem to be in the image of everything

Even black holes

The Wind brought me the scent of flowers last night

I accepted them as if they were real and thanked them for their sharing

I wonder how many people the Wind brings flowers to who never even notice they were there?

The Ocean

Maybe the scent of a memory they had once

They walk through these lands without greeting the Sun, the Moon, the Stars

Our family of celestial bodies

They don’t talk to the rain

Except to bemoan its falling

Do they notice when birds sing?

Is everything just furniture to place and then forget it exists?

I know I don’t belong in these places I was born

But there is no place to go back to that hasn’t been touched by their blindness

Or their greed

I am corrupted by them

Because one on one I always err on the side of trust

It bothers me, wondering what thing I’ve missed

Every time we look through history bemoaning the cruelty of the past we ignore the eyes upon us from an unseen future

What other biases and wrong thinkings have been instilled on me by this sick society?

I wish I knew

I’d unlearn them too

I want to escape and be self sufficient and independent and free

But my heart screams for community and working together

For companionship

Whatever that is left of me that’s human I guess

I wish I had a logical reason why

Because if you look at the things humanity has done, will do, is doingI’m

Why would you want anything to do with out species?

If good people made up the majority we wouldn’t be here

Did the good people die out?

Is decency an on off receptor in our DNA?

Is it recessive?

Does it get groomed out of children by our toxic society?

Are we evil?

I don’t know

I wish I could go back to a time when humanity took care of the Earth

And eachother

But I can’t

Because we didn’t