Elucidating Questions

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong

Because you keep muttering angrily under your breath and I have hearing problems

I don’t know what I’ve forgotten

Because I have severe memory problems and I don’t know what you’re muttering about

And you haven’t volunteered to help

You haven’t noticed that I’ve missed something and asked if you can help me

Instead you’re slamming things and muttering except for the word “stinks” and I don’t know what you want from me

Or why you won’t help me

Instead you bad mouth me at a volume I can’t quite make out to your friends on the internet

And slam cupboards

And piss and moan

Do you think I’m enjoying this?

Being stuck in a chair I can’t get comfortable on, heart rate at 100

Men just terrify me

Because I don’t know what to do

I am struggling so much right now

I’m trying to remember everything

Is he going to hurt me?

Is my not knowing going to turn into him hurting me?

Like all men do when I’m alone and vulnerable?

Just haven’t managed to find any good m&ms in this bowl you see

I don’t know what to do

Why am I a target?

Why do I have this terrible power to turn people into monsters that want to hurt me?

I feel so unwanted

Even though I’m trying my best

This is why it was better to live alone

This is why I needed my own place

If this is some sick exercise to whip me into shape and capable of managing a house

Why is this happening?

Why is my life happening like this?

Why is it that no matter what I do I’m below expectations

Why am I not good enough for this world?