Elucidating Questions

I don’t express my needs

I write them

But they rarely leave my mouth

And when there is another person I default to their needs over mine

I complain when I’m hungry but won’t eat because I have to do things for someone else

I don’t express the actual need

“I’m hungry”

Is not

“I need to eat”

I diplomatically request people eventually let me fulfill my needs

And, I mean, really, what’s the point in expressing needs you can’t afford?

It just makes people think you’re guilting them

When you say you need something they have but you don’t

I’ve had people blow up at me for “acting like I wanted money” from them

When I was doing no such thing

Merely expressing my lack of resources

My frustrations

Someone said on Facebook that he looked at my profile and I was applying to jobs I can’t do as an excuse not to work

An excuse?

To live on $1300 a month?

When rent is $2000+ and I am forced to live with my father and absolute freak of a brother?

Are you daft?

Here I am having mental break downs outside of malls over job opportunities being taken away from me

And some halfcock has the audacity to tell me I want it this way

I am, in some form, a masochist

This is a fact

I self harm, I don’t take care of myself as a punishment

I’m not that type of masochist

I wanted to be a successful member of society even though I hated it

I wish I hadn’t pushed myself for minimum wage jobs

The initial injury that triggered the fibromyalgia

And then pushing through the worst pain and suffering to keep up with these jobs’ demands

Only to be stopped dead by the ME

So many days wasted

So much pushing through being barely conscious for nothing

That repetition of work, recover, work, recover

So many hours wasted recovering from jobs that would never remember me

Where I’d be a whisper in a week

So many needs not spoken

Perhaps my brain is on fire because so many words never made their way out

It’s not worth it, selling your soul to make money

How can I communicate needs that can’t be filled without someone else’s understanding and help?

When there’s people out there who think I want to make $1300 month.

That’s $943USD for anyone wondering

That I want this

It’s a good thing I don’t have the power to curse people

I feel like ableism should be punished by