Elucidating Questions

My website’s going to be delisted

It’s so funny

It’s so funny because when I paid for the year I had this outlook

I was going to be doing better, work was going to be better

In my home

When the time to pay up came around I’d have support to do so

Instead I have no job

I’m living in my teenhood home

No money for anything extra

Still buying things so I have a will to live

Now with the added stress of being unemployable because I’m disabled

16 years of experience means nothing when you have a walker

It means nothing

16 years of experience means nothing when you can only work 16 hours a week

Oh please

I just want a job so I can keep my stupid writings afloat

Just go back to the WordPress domain I guess

See launching the website and the Facebook page was supposed to do something

It’s so weird being destined to be invisible

Seeing other people be noticed is almost like a punishment

And the worst part is I know if the internet at large found this thing they’d tear me apart but

But the story of a poor, disabled, queer, trans, person who has so many mental health issues I basically have a league

That story hasn’t been told no matter how raw and depressing and sometimes stupid it gets

The point was, when I died, my story would be written, by me, so no one could say otherwise

It’s more like a pillow I scream into now

Causing no waves whatsoever

But I always had so many plans

I suppose I expected more

I should know better than to expect

Why is it that every year is beyond my wildest dreams in the worst way?

I wish my dreams were reality

All the adventure and the magic and the traveling and the friends

Every time I dream in reality it goes wrong

Why don’t people fight to enjoy life?

Why does it have to be suffering?

Why does humanity choose suffering?

I wish I had a job so I could pretend everything is fine too

Take my scraps and be happy

It’s not possible for every person on this planet to have money

Even if the billions squandered away were released into the pool

Even though there is enough manpower and there is enough food and water on this planet, if we worked together, to take care of all

We purposely limit our own human resources with profit and gain

How many brilliant people have come and gone without using a whisper of their talent because the world wasn’t built for them or because money got in the way?

We are bottlenecking our own potential and progress because $

Because $

Seriously?

Who made money?

It wasn’t the poor, right? It was people with resources and land and power

Why did anyone ever trust those people to be in the best interest of the common folk?

This world astounds me

Humanity is the embodiment of The Fool

Stupid as hell and going on a journey