Elucidating Questions

I have this fantasy where I run away

Just away

That everything goes right and I’m free

I’m assuming all my disabilities just cease to exist for this to happen

I just walk away

But where always becomes a question

Where is better than here?

A tiny town where I’m the only queer person but at least there’s an actual forest nearby?

Any number of cities where I wouldn’t fit as much as here

Everything is so disgustingly predictable

And I’m sick of seeing things coming from a mile away and screaming at the locals to run and being called insane

But, thanks to the internet, the locals are everywhere

Thousands of times I’ve said what will happen to be called crazy

And this isn’t the psychic crap

Psychic was predicting the wars happening, back in 2018, with no context

I just see patterns

It’s all so

These events around me

Why does it have to be so typical?

Why can’t someone surprise me and actually do something?

And when can I stop feeling like the someone is supposed to be me when I have no power?

By the time I had wormed enough power to do enough to help I’d be one of them

Why doesn’t anyone else have this sick sense in them like things should be different?

I shouldn’t say anyone

Why don’t enough anyones feel this way?

Why is there a great wall of disinterest in anyone’s eye who could do anything?

Why is there never a successful champion of those that need?

And I don’t know how to be what you need me to be

I want to run away and be someone new who doesn’t feel these responsibilities I cannot fulfill

I feel like I’m standing before a great beast who expects me to overcome them to succeed

If you wanted it a better way why is violence written in the path that brought humanity to realisation?

Did you create us in your image and then want us to be different from you?

Suffering isn’t written in your insides

Struggle is

Danger

Violence

Your potential is our potential

Or do you wish us to be beyond you?

Should we be your successors?

Love

I’m not sure you made it

But you are made of it

Like it just had to exist because of you

I wish we could each be you

As knowing and understanding

I wish we had the compassion of a gentle breeze blowing by to touch your face so you’re not alone

Knowing that in each body is a soul that feels

Even if they’re not all the same

Understanding that each person is a reaction to their life experience

That those reactions are visceral and personal

Understood that capacity is individual

That a world with less harm would create more chances for joy

And that hatred is wrong

It’s hard

I struggle with it when words are slicing through me

I am nothing beside you

And yet you almost go less noticed than I do

Massive yet unseeable

See-able but insufficient

If I could run

I wish I could run to a place where I could meet you face to face

I wonder what face the faceless would have?