Elucidating Questions

Mixed feelings

Big feelings

Back in my old stomping grounds

This university is idyllic

Trees everywhere

Constant breeze off the water

Birds everywhere

You could forget that the world outside is a cruel place for a moment

I was forced to drop out due to poor grades due to struggling with the onset of the second chronic illness

I feel like a failure walking these grounds that I should have graduated from following my parents

My dream all my life to graduate this university like my parents did

Using it as a stepping stone to Japan

Gone

And I’m here to listen to my dad sing about Jesus for two hours

Still can’t say no to him

Still can’t disappoint him

This music has been triggering my psychosis

I just hope I make it through

Somehow I always do though

This world needs a Jesus character and my guilt complex makes me think it should have to be me

I should have to try to change the world

I don’t know what that means

I am terrified of that thought gaining a foothold

Not me fighting it off because that’s stupid and I’m not that important and I will never be that important to the world’s story

Wallowing in feelings

There are deer now

So idyllic outside

So chaotic inside

Can you help me sort myself out?