Elucidating Questions

You have such timing

That cosmic timing

Unless you tell me what I means I refuse

And I always wonder why these moments grace me

When LA is a warzone, when Manitoba is burning, while Gaza is a bullseye for various forms of target practice

Why the Universe twists around me in this way

It would take another thirty years for you to convince me to jump again

Jumping is for the lucky and the rich

And the beautiful

And why?

All this hell going on around me that I cannot do anything about

Yet you taunt me with these moments

I didn’t ask for a coincidence

500 coincidences and yet you couldn’t spare a coincidence of someone coming to their senses about the madness in the world

The hatred

And, perhaps, if it had been seen, there would have been some happy story to share with the world

I don’t think it would have lasted

And I don’t think a difference would have been made

Love isn’t born from madness

At least I’m not lucky enough to have such a grace bestowed upon me

Not from where it started

How can I change things?

I have too much anger and frustration in me to handle the ignorant gently

See, but, I can’t count on anyone else to do anything

I have to do it myself so I have to be everything

If this was Madoka I’d be the one making contracts to wish I was a god

Would they poison me?

Maybe our own darkness suffocates them

The gods

All their little fingers

Beckoning every which way

But does anyone listen?

I don’t know

Perhaps there are gods that I have not encountered who beckon darkness from us

But it’s their cursed neutrality that confounds me

With every miracle a horror story in tandem

Perplexed

And what does it mean?

Complex signs

This and this

So what?

Always nothing

Always nudging

Curse it

Go solve some actual problems I have no interest in searching around for a sign that the sign is a sign

So go sign someone’s next day given instead

What does it matter?

In the face of everything

What does this secret held in the strongest box of my soul matter?

It didn’t

A fresh secret out in plain view and a secret that is buried so deep no one would believe it if they did find it

A year ago I almost fell in again

With your prods

Not again

Any destiny that wants me can come get me

I wish I could live in my dreams