Elucidating Questions

I feel so stuck

So taunted by my exlandlord’s words that finding another job would be easy

I need money

I need like $500 to just show up and I’d be comfortable

But I’d put up with $200 if I could

And I want to work

I don’t want to sit here and passively collect a pauper’s income

I want to do something

But apparently 16 years of customer service

And countless musculoskeletal injuries

And days I felt were actually going to make me more sick

That did, in the end

They don’t count for anything

I feel defeated by silence and “we regret to inform you”

Don’t even know what’s wrong with me so I can’t fix it

And chances are it’s the disability thing

Or the I quit jobs when they start affecting my health thing

How dare I not work at a place my entire life?

How dare I get used to how a place is run by one manager and then take offense when things are arbitrarily changed and we begin to accelerate into shittiness?

Did I foresee Petcetera going out of business?

No, but I definitely knew it wasn’t being run properly

Did I know Lowe’s was going to run into serious problems and need to rebrand back to Rona because of image issues?

No, but I knew that an entire store’s management being entirely restructured less than a year after being opened was a bad sign and so was the turn over and they started treating employees like crap

I was also having a mental health emergency

Others were for things like moving

Physical health issues

Harassment and discrimination

Got fired once for complaining about bus schedules because I mentioned that my job had cut my hours in the post as well

I just want to be employable

I just want to work my few hours a week

Maybe make like $400 every two weeks, maybe like $300, that’s fine

Not be pushed to flare ups

I ask for so little and receive less

I’m saying hi world I would like to live on $26k a year while most of my countrymates live on almost double

And it’s too much to ask for

And I know there are so many people with less

Were we to gather every person who is struggling because of this world into one place and have them jump?

I imagine it would measure on the Richter scale

Their suffering is just as unforgivable as mine is

I think people think I’m complaining just about myself

When overwhelmingly what I am trying to say is that if it’s this bad for me it must be worse for other people

Maybe humans are just stupid animals hiding the symptoms of their disease

And the disease is capitalism

Is blood suckers just sucking money out of the economy into their bank accounts

There was not trillions of dollars in the economy in, say, 1912

They printed it, created it, whatever

Yet there still isn’t enough for everyone on Earth

I don’t know

If you had told me at 15 that at 35 I’d be living with my dad, unemployed, unemployable, and being spat on by the Ministry of so called “social development and poverty reduction” every once in a while

I definitely would have “completed” suicide