Elucidating Questions

I want to be left alone

But I want to change the world

But the world laughs at me

I wonder what it would think if I told it I’d known prices would creep up and up in my teens

That minimum wage would no longer cut it

I knew that housing was going to become impossible

I knew that politicians would get more and more deranged

And watching it happen?

It’s like watching my nightmares come true

I would have loved for any one of you people to have proven I was wrong and deranged myself

But it hasn’t happened

It hasn’t happened and it’s queer

It’s queer as fuck seeing everything happening exactly as I knew it would but people are still telling me I’m delusional

Like there’s a split in reality

Like I’m seeing a different Universe than everyone else

You don’t see Nazi salutes? Everywhere?

You don’t see up ticks in racist pieces of crap assaulting children?

You don’t see it getting worse?

Have prices not doubled if not tripled?

What are you all seeing, I have to know

Is everything fine?

While you work for hours of your life to make not a dime?

What‽

It sucks that I’ll be deranged till I’m dead and then decades from now there will be people saying that it happened exactly as I said it did

What a world

It’s fine

The prime minister is a sell out to Trump but it will be fine

Piss before Trump ever calls me a “nice guy”

If Trump called me a nice guy I’d skin myself

Just to get the absolute stench of being such a failure that that monster thinks I’m “nice”

Ah well

Got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder today

Just one more notch in the discreditation belt

No one will ever listen to me

No one

And they’re cruel so I’m cruel back and then I regret being cruel

They don’t

I’m a cute little bullying blip in their day

I wish I picked words better

I swear I don’t try to make sentences that make people hurl abuse at me

What am I fighting for again?

Why do I want to help these monkeys?

Because some of them are nice

I guess

I’ve met some nice ones lately

More like people than most people

But social interactions don’t feel real to me anymore

Everything feels empty

I care but I’m empty

I don’t have anything in me left to protect against what someone who is “close” to me might do

I’d almost given in to being alone

Everything feels forced and awkward

Like being thrown back into a job you did 15 years ago

I don’t even know if I want to have friends

Maybe I was better as a deranged isolated person

People are so scary