Elucidating Questions

People blame me for what I am

Dismissively tell me to get therapy as if being mentally ill and wrong are mutually inclusive

Stupidly, they think me talking to someone every month is going to fix what this society has done to my psyche

I did not become this way in a vacuum, you swine

For centuries we’ve dismissed people because they’re mentally ill

Called anything we didn’t want to learn about “crazy”, thus, unimportant and wrong

Why don’t you go to therapy?

See if it fixes all your very real problems

And when it doesn’t you can cry about it

But I don’t

Therapy is helpful for figuring out yourself

I’m one of the more self aware crazy people you’ll find

I know and understand parts of my psychology that would make you cry

If I’m crazy then all my life experiences mean nothing to people

And I’m not going to hide it

But people call me crazy for things that really don’t seem that crazy

Meanwhile they believe some really fucked up shit about humanity

It kills me that all living beings being cared for is not the goal of this civilization

That has really fucked me up

Raised on this idea of selflessness, caring for one another, loving this planet

And when I grew up reality was completely different

And unlike all my stories

There’s no good guy

Sorry if that makes me naive, to have believed what adults were selling me as a child

Sorry if the whiplash of reality has thrown me so far off who I once was I don’t even have a me to return to

The last time I was in one piece I was a child

You think therapy is going to fix this?

The brutality of always being out of money, going without important medications, food?

You think therapy is going to fix the fact that my body betrayed and cursed me for life?

Is therapy going to fix the fact that I used to be able to walk from here to downtown, and then all around downtown, and then back again

That now I made it one way and paid for it the next day?

That I used to be able to work full-time, became disabled, couldn’t anymore, and the world said “here live off of $1400 a month” and when I could no longer afford rent because of it and had to move back in with my father they made it $1300?

Is therapy going to fix that I’m worth $1300 a month in a city with rent of $2000 a month?

Is it going to fix that there are people out there who don’t even believe I’m worth that much and would take it away if they could?

Is therapy going to fix the isolation? Is it going to make people like me?

Is it going to stop that my very limited social interaction is about 60% abuse?

I think you’re insane if you think therapy is going to fix this

And if you think my voice is less important because I broke under the weight of this hellscape.