Elucidating Questions

I don’t handle rejection well

I’m tired of people deleting me from their lives with no explanation

Did I miss something?

Sometimes it feels like the only reason there are other humans is to hurt me

They don’t do much else

Frankly useless in terms of what I need

I’m too much

Is there no one that can handle me?

Unfit for human consumption

That’s how it feels

I’m just what the world made me into

Do I even have freewill?

I’m a response to the threat of other beings

And the hell they’ve allowed me and others like me to go through

There’s not really anything worth trying to fight for either

At this point

Nothing is in any way what I imagined my life would be

There are no people

So the inevitability of them leaving after they lie and say we’re friends

Fucking as if

Just hurts more

There’s no “well at least I have so and so”

There is no so and so

And it feels like there never will be again

I’m merely a burden to everyone around me and they have made that clear

I think it’s disgusting that people think that just because they suffer in silence that everyone else should to

Everyone else puts up with the shittyness of life so you should too

No?

You fucking daft ass special monkeys?

It’s because of you and your ilk that life never gets better

It’s because of generations of putting up with shit and just living miserable lives

I’m still mad at that one person

Shouldn’t have nicknamed her Feather

She was more like a rabid badger

Droves of people who expect silence

And “I’m fine”

Everyday

Always

Don’t you dare struggle

People who expect me to have gone through everything in my life and come out normal

Because everyone else is just so much damn better at this game of life they’ve created

Definitely not just so fucking anxious to hold on to their fakeness in the whole situation about actually having everything figured out

For the ‘gram

It’s like they think if they associate with someone who doesn’t have their shit entirely together it’ll catch or something

I’d invite any of you to come live my life

I wonder how many people would be dead within the first year of silence?

Within the first year of their brain sabotaging everything constantly

I wonder if they’d enjoy the juxtaposition of both being fat and so hungry you can’t think?

Days rolling on by

Nothing ever changing except for the worse

I’d really like to see them suffer

Because there’s an evil, angry, part of me who has seen all these people abandon me along their way

Knowing that I am disposable

I want to inflict this pain on anyone who inflicted it on me

It’s not nice to know you’re disposable

There should be more mercy in me

I shouldn’t want to punish people

But no one should feel like they are trash

No one with a heart

It makes you want to lash out

And right now as life is whipping me

It’s just fucking endless

And no one is coming to rescue me

No

To my aid?

I need aid

I don’t want to be rescued

I have no one to talk to

And when I think I finally have someone

They always throw me away