Elucidating Questions

Just one of those

Chatting with the police who are there to make sure I don’t hurt myself days

There’s nothing quite like losing it all

To make you feel like the world is torturing you for having not been grateful enough

Again

And maybe I should have been more grateful not to have human friends

Because at least I had a home

You never realise you had it till it’s being taken from you, they say

But I knew all along and just lay in fear of this day coming

And I do want to die

But not in the sense that I want me to be over

I want this life that has wrung all it can from me only to come back harder to end

And I cry because I don’t want to die

Because I have fought so damn hard to be here

And who cares if it’s another miracle no one cares about?

That no one appreciates me

That I have no value

I kept going

Well I didn’t

You snort then

Fuck you

Didn’t come to get me did you?

So I’m still here

I wouldn’t be here if any previous some two dozen attempts had taken

Hell you snort but

It’s ink that kept my skin intact

A silent promise to you

Another cosmic timing

You knew I’d be put to the test didn’t you?

Wearing the God of You on my skin

They don’t know it but I do

Momento Mori

And if I ever don’t momento my moriness

In those moments that Death means Escape

Not The End

He lights my shoulders

Touches my hair

My beautiful Sun

Yeah I probably did need some vitamin you

It’s terrifying

Walking into a place where my memories are only my enemy

Who am I, but the slightly more years’ wizened child who walked out of that place?

Sol I want to walk in you, with you, for so many more years

When I cry that I want everyone to disappear

I think I just mean I want the pain to disappear

We all know he’d erase everything if given the chance

He’s the voice that wants out

I wish I could touch those moments we’re each alone

It’s almost better if the greys show up

We’re so volatile right now

I am my worst enemy

I don’t know how to escape that

Life throwing this and that at me

How do I protect myself from myself when life batters me?

This whole thing

A textbook in just continuing on but,

I feel like I’m lost in the pages of my life

What if there is no hope?

What if hope is stupid and I’m stupid for having it?

I just can never shake the feeling that someone is watching this and laughing

How do I be okay with it?

How do I believe that the sunset is a promise of tomorrow?

Where do I go to find even what I hope for?